


Our Narrative

by Lokis_Little_Servant



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Terrorism, M/M, Racism, Reincarnation, Slow Burn, Suicidal Tendancies, Suicidal Thoughts, Supporting Character Death, non-binary characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-05-28 23:50:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6350554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokis_Little_Servant/pseuds/Lokis_Little_Servant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Lawrence is the reincarnation of John Laurens, a camp-de-aide of General Washington himself. You'd think he'd be respected and admired but he's treated like dirt, like every other reincarnate in America and around the world. That doesn't stop him from going to college, making new friends, reviving old friendships and flipping off his enemies (occasionally throwing the 'I'm the senator's kid!' card just for fun.)</p><p>Then there's Alexander Hamillo who's loud, brash, passionate and talented-traits Alexander Hamilton had when he was alive. So is it him? Does he remember? Spoilers! He doesn't remember.</p><p>So while juggling his time to organize rallies and meetings with politicians all over America, John tries to make Hamilton remember-which is far harder than he expected to be.</p><p>Alternatively known as, John should be happy but he refuses to be happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This thing will be updated slowly guys. Maybe every two weeks-maybe one week if I'm not so busy. But then there are times I'll just update daily and idk guys my update sched is fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updated 5/25/17

_ There was a time I did not believe the absurd stories of the reincarnates. People who claim to have lived past lives of people who had made impact on history whether good or bad. But now as I lie on my death bed, waiting for Death to claim me once more and return to the ground where I came from, I wish to reincarnate in a new age. _

Alexander paused from writing and gazed up at Eliza and Angelica who were speaking in hushed voices, eyes flickering at him once in awhile. Once upon a time when he was just eleven years old he would have told them to get out, stay away from him so that they wouldn’t see the pain he was in but he realized that he was truly going to die and he in all honesty, he was scared. Sensing his wife’s distress, Alexander set his quill down and held her hand. Eliza, being one of the bravest woman he’d ever known in the face of death, merely smiled at him with pained eyes and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. For a moment, it seemed like he was going to be okay and that he was just running a fever that he could recover from and that tomorrow, he would be sitting down with his children and wife, entertaining them with stories of the past.

Quickly shaking the thought away, Alexander continued to write, unwilling to give himself hope; it would be more painful if he gave himself hope.

_ It is not an entirely plausible act. In all honesty,I think that I am not done with my mission. I already know that once I am gone, my enemies will tear me apart even when I am beyond this world. But the worse I have come to think of is that they will let my works wither and die, collect dust on a shelf and will merely be memories of a man who once lived. _

_ Is it so wrong to want to continue the legacy I have made for myself? This unfinished symphony that beats with a crescendo and leaps- only to stop in the middle of a melody. I cannot leave it. No, good sir, I cannot leave it when there is still so much to be done just yet. It would be a shame to leave a masterpiece unfinished. _

Alexander stops and dips his quill in the inkwell and looks at the stack of letters he prepared for all those he knew. There was one for Peggy, one for the youngest Schuyler sister, Catherine, two for Aaron Burr (the first contained insults and arguments and detached messages to him and the second contained only this:  _ Aaron Burr, you were my first friend and now my enemy. Your daughter will not cease to have a father while my children will be left to the hands of my beloved wife. I wish you all the happiness in the world for you and for yoir daughter. _ ), three for Thomas Jefferson, a letter to Angelica and many more to people he loved, hated and to some he hadn’t seen in years. Of course, it wasn’t surprising that the longest letter he made was for his dearest, Eliza. He realized that if John was alive, he would’ve made one for him to, perhaps even challenging the length of Betsey's letter.

_ And for my own personal reasons, I wish to be reincarnated again to see those I love. I know it is possible for the Schuyler sisters to be born again, nevermind what society says against women. Angelica is one of the most quick witted people I know and Eliza has a way with words that even  _ I _ cannot describe. If Eliza crosses and become a reincarnate, I would happily stay by her side and never leave her again. _

Alexander bends over at the feeling of pain at his chest and tries not to show the tears in his eyes at the two ladies present in the room. He’s only so lucky his hair covered his face.

_ And John Laurens. He deserves to be born again into this world, he deserves a chance to speak once more with the same ideas and optimism. His ideas against slavery truly opened my eyes and I couldn’t understand why he left us so early. If he were here, he would’ve already abolished slavery and maybe even more. _

_ I want to be with the ones I love, as selfish I may seem. I did not spend as much time with them as I now wish I had and it is only now I realize that when I am on the brink of death. I pray that God hears my prayers and grants them as one last gift for me. A gift that I will not throw away. _

There’s blood again when he coughed and Angelica immediately calls the doctor, choking down a sob while Eliza wipes his mouth and gives him a glass of water. There are tears in her eyes and Alexander can’t do anything but brush the stray pieces of hair that falls to her face.

“My love, take your time,” Alexander whispered, taking her hands in his. “I’ll be waiting on the other side.”

For once in his life, Alexander relaxed and smiled at Eliza, finally feeling at peace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're in present day and this is just a little background on stuff and more things on how the universe works and all-but it has your favourite Lieutenant Colonel so gIVE IT UP FOR JOHN LAURENS (Lawrence)
> 
> updated 5/25/17 got those weird plot mistakes out of the way

**_PART 1: Mistakes_ **

 

It’s a Saturday morning and John should’ve been in bed, snoring and ignoring the world passing by like usual. Instead he’s screaming with protesters, holding up banners and pushing against the cops who try to stop them from entering the Council’s Hall. There’s a moment where John remembers his father who’s inside but he shakes his head and continues to push against the barricade. There was a reason to why he was there instead of sleeping in.

“Reincarnates deserve as much as you do! Just because we lived lives before doesn’t mean we should be killed! We’re still human beings!”

There are screams of agreement and the aggression from the protesters move forward, finally breaking the human barricade. There’s a rush of adrenaline in John’s body as he runs forward and grabs a megaphone from one of the policemen and climbs over the wall using a tree and sits on top of the brick wall. He pushes the power button and brings the megaphone near to his mouth.

“I’m John Lawrence, former Lieutenant Colonel during the American Revolution!” There are whooping and even some of the policemen look impressed. “Now, I was a manumission abolitionist and it has come to my attention that here in America, you don’t treat us reincarnates fairly! Minimum wage is lower for us, we are given no rights, women aren’t even given maternity leave because you all claim that if women reincarnates experienced a time without maternity leave, they can survive! Well, I hate to break it to you but women didn’t have jobs back then and they didn’t need maternity leave! But now they do!”

Women in the crowd cheers him on and they hold up their banners and wooden signs that had slogans about the very issue John was talking about. John waves at them and gives them the smile that always manages to get the ladies on his side.

_ Southern charm.  _ John thinks, still smiling.  _ I could probably get most girls to date me but... _

Still smiling a bit from his little anecdote, he ploughs on. “Thing is, you guys treat us like dirt. For some reason, we were given a second chance and we don’t just get to choose unlike what some people speculate! Hell, I didn’t even believe in all this reincarnation shit until I remembered! We don’t get to choose and believe me,” John laughs quietly though it’s not happy. “We’re not that lucky. Some of us remember things we don’t want to remember. Now, all we want is to be treated as human beings and we’ve waited long enough. I wasn’t even born yet when the Reincarnate Act was created. When was that?”

A person from the distance yells, “Nineteen ninety-one!”

“Well, it’s twenty fifteen now and it’s still waiting for approval! Or better yet, don’t even wait for that act! Just treat us right!”

With that, John jumps off the wall and the crowd roars and claps at the speech he gave. Police immediately comes up to cuff him but John just smiles at them and raises his hands in the air. Those who know John long enough just claps him on the back and compliment him on the wonderful impromptu speech he gave before they go running off to continue creating noise.

“No need for that. Just drive me to the police station. I understand the law,” John opens his phone and speed dials his dad. “I’m just calling my dad.”

The police raise their brows at that. “Who’s your dad, kid?” One of them asks.

The phone from the other line clicks and his father says hello to him and of course, John can’t help but smile when he says, “Senator Henry Lawrence.”

 

It's easy for John Lawrence to say that he leads a life of privilege despite the fact he is a reincarnate. Ever since spouting unknown facts about the American Revolution when he was in his fourth grade, he was treated differently by the teachers until they realized who his father was who came to school for a parent-teacher meeting. It was one of the perks of having a father who was a famous political figure but John quickly realized that not all reincarnates had the same privilege as he did so began to sneak out to protests to defend the honor of those who were overlooked and abused by the government, business establishments and almost anyone who opposed the idea of reincarnates.

Of course, his father is fuming when he learns that John's arrested again. It's not his first time anyways but his father is always angry about it, telling him that he raised him better than that and that he should be more careful.

“Look, John. I understand you're a reincarnate of John Laurens but you're also my son. You're also a Lawrence,” his father says, not taking his eyes off the road. “And you need to think more about the decisions you make. I support you in this but if you really get arrested- where I can't just pull the 'I'm senator' card, it'll kill your mother and siblings. Think of your family here.”

“I know, dad but I'm tired of being treated like shit,” John says. “I just want to be treated like a normal person. Do you know how annoying it is to hear people scream at me like I'm the Devil possessing someone's body? Like I stole this body and it’s not just  _ me _ ?” John makes a strangled noise at the back of his throat and deperately tries to get his emotions in check. “I'm sick of having to pull the 'I'm the senator's kid' card just so that people can stop harassing me, dad. What happens when they don’t believe me? Reincarnates get killed just because… just because of that.”

His dad sighs and for the first time that day, John notices how dark the bottom of his eyes are. “You know I'm one of the senators who want to approve the reincarnate act, son. I'm doing my best. I really am for your sake and the sakes of those who are like you.”

“I know dad. But do you think that even if that act is passed, the people will just follow it right away? Dad, we're trying to start another revolution except this isn't about freedom from Britain,” John says, struggling to keep his voice low. “It's social justice for people like me.”

“I know, John. I know. But stay safe, okay? And the fact you're going to one of the most liberal colleges in America worries me. You're going to be joining those movement groups- and don't even try to deny it. I know you will be.”

John lowers his head and shakes it.“I won’t. I promise I'll keep my grades up. I won't let you down,” he says. “And I promise I won't be expelled.”

For the first time during their conversation, Henry cracks a small smile. “You better not. Even if we're wealthy, college tuition is expensive and I feel like I can buy one more house with that kind of money.”

“After this movement, I should start the lower the college tuition fees movement! Wouldn't it be great?”

The father and son begun to laugh and John felt a lump form in his throat knowing he was leaving for college soon. Monday to be exact. He would be leaving his family and after what happened to his mother, he doesn't want to leave them yet. He wanted to be with them all through what his mother was going through even if she wasn't his biological mother.

They arrive outside their estate's gates and John removes the seatbelt he was wearing. His father still had to run some errands and was going to be late for a meeting if he wasn't going to leave soon but John wants to tell him more, say more about his experiences as a reincarnate and that their family was surprisingly similar to the one he used to have. Instead he stays quiet and says something else.

“You know what, dad?” John says quietly, just before he goes outside the car. “I'll miss this family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be posting chapter two later on today so hold on tight guys. That's where the real drama starts (more or less.)
> 
> p.s. Henry Lawrence isn't a dick but Henry Laurens is the biggest dick ever ok guys??


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is super duper historically inaccurate (but when it comes to like dates and places it's probably real)
> 
> also john laurens irl had slaves so im just saying
> 
> ^^remember that
> 
> updated 06.06.17

The halls of the University of the King is surprisingly large and elegant. It actually reminds John of one of the houses he once went inside once when he was a child in his previous life except it was a school and it was way larger but perhaps, less grandiose. The campus was actually smaller than a usual University but it was much more nicer than a usual university so it had a redeeming feature.

“John! You're drifting off again,”

John rolls his eyes at his younger sister, Martha and sweeps her off her feet and carries her around, ignoring the hits he takes. It’s not like she has the capability of actually bruising him.

“Let me go, you ass! Oh my God, you fu-”

“Language! You know, you remind me so much of a younger sister I used to have,” John says, carefully setting her back on her feet. “If you were a reincarnate, I would've actually believed you were my sister back then too.”

“But I'm your sister now and that's what matters,  _ Jack _ !” She whines, using the nickname his former sister used to use for him.

John was about to open his mouth to give his sister a piece of his mind but their father calls them over and they run towards him, laughing and whispering about the boys who pass by them.

“Dad, John thinks that the boy who passed us was cute!” Martha says, disgust apparent on her face. “Can you believe that?”

Wordlessly, his father turns around and takes one look at the boy who passed by them just moments ago.

“John, I expected you to have better taste than that,” John's father shakes his head. “Couldn't you go with men who are mature because his shirt was very rude.”

John just smiles and punches Martha's arm lightly and he feels like he's floating because if he ever told his former father that, he would've been sent away and disowned. Even years after being out of the closet, John couldn't believe his luck. He wasn't kicked out or sent away to London or forced to marry some girl he hardly even liked or all of that. No, he was accepted and loved for who he was.

“You think you'll meet any old friends of yours, John?” Martha asks, gazing at a portrait of George Washington. “Have you sent a letter to George Washington yet?”

“Why would I do that?” John asks, mentally preparing himself for another speech about how great it would be to reconnect with his old war buddies from Martha.

“Because you were one of his aides-de-camp? Oh, don't give me that look,” Martha berates. “I'm pretty sure you formed a sort of close friendship with him after setting that door on fire!”

“Martha! Look, I'm a bit different from that John, okay? I'm not  _ that _ reckless,” John looks down and mumbles. “I only set the kitchen on fire now.”

When they reach John's dorm room, they say their goodbyes and Martha threatens him if he doesn't text him or call him weekly and give her updates about the boys he meets, she will disown him and will never invite him to any of her weddings.

“Weddings? Already thinking of divorcing your first husband, Martha dear?” Their father teased.

“Yes. Arthur’s an asshole.” Martha says and suddenly she's running out from the room before John can register what she just said. She does yell a “goodbye” to John though.

“Dad, Martha has an asshole boyfriend? What? An asshole boyfriend?” John stresses. “Can I beat him up? It’s a good reason to end up in prison, dad. Right?”

Henry sighs. “God, both of you are nightmares,” he says. “She already got a warning when she beat him up.”

They both laugh for a short moment then it’s quiet. Neither of them speaks and John wonders what to say to his father. His thanks? His gratitude? A minute long speech about how well behaved he'll try to be? The possibilities were limited, honestly. Instead, it's his father who speaks first.

“Now, John. I'm proud of you but son, please stay safe. I love you, okay?”

There's a hitch in John's breathing when he hears that. It’s literally been a lifetime since Henry Laurens told him he couldn’t love him after he told him he couldn’t love women and despite that fact, it still wears heavy on him. It’s also then when he remembers it's the day his father, Henry Laurens sent him away from their house. It's the exact same day John Laurens finally learned that his father couldn't handle the truth of his son incapable of loving another woman.

Snapping out of it, John smiles and hugs his dad. “I love you too, dad. I promise you, I won't die. I'm here to stay,” John says, stepping away. “I'm sorry. I just remembered something-”

“It's okay, John. It's okay.”

They give each other one more hug before John's father leaves him alone in his new room. John looks around and decides he likes it well enough. Just because he lives in what most people call a mansion, he still remembers the days he spent time in a small white tent that had the lingering scent of blood and gunpowder. Humming a tune to a song he heard on the radio, he takes the right bedroom and began to unpack his belongings: his clothes, underwear, personal books and the necessary school supplies he'll need later on. He sets his laptop on the desk and he’s finished.

John is aware that his roommate won’t be arriving until next week due to some problems he encountered with transferring to America to study so he’ll have the apartment for himself the entire week. His mind drifts back to what his sister told him and ponders on it.

Should he contact the veteran war hero? But what would he even say? How should he address him? Sir? Mister? General? His majesty? What would he even say in his message?  _ It's a pleasure to rebirth in this new age and cross paths with you again sir? _ Okay, that sounded a bit satanic and he knows how religious the former General was.

But admittedly, John wants to know how the man was. The man did show him some fatherly affection back during the revolution and John saw-  _ sees _ \- the General as a father figure sometimes. He remembers the times he conversed with George about his family and lamented over the rocky relationship he had with his father.

_ “Sir, it is hopeless. My father looks at me like an animal with no sense of moral value nor good judgement,” John said, taking off his hat. “He does not reply to my letters and all my letters to my siblings do not reach them! What I have said and done has created an abyss between my father and I and I do not think that we can meet at eye's reach again.” _

_ “What have you done to upset your father so much, son?” George asked, setting down the papers he was formerly looking at. _

_ John shook his head and looked down at the dirt ground. “It is not possible for me to say it, sir. I fear you would disown me as well and send me away,” he said. “It would only send me to my miseries and demise.” _

_ “Lieutenant Colonel, you are a great and courageous soldier and I do not wish to see you this way. It is clear enough that you are troubled and miserable with what you've done,” George said. “Why not tell your wife about it? Surely she would understand.” _

_ John's face crumpled and rubbed his face, feeling regret rise up in him. “Sir, I feel as if you will not understand what I am going through and I am certain my wife will not console me but reject me as well,” John said. “You must understand that the covenant of our marriage was only decreed upon my pity on her.” _

_ “You say you do not love her? Is that what troubles you, son?” _

_ The agitation finally rises up from his chest and John's so tired of dodging the question the General asked him. “I am troubled on the instance that I cannot love any woman!” _

_ In shock and in horror, John immediately stood up and takes places his hat back on his head. There's only silence and John can't bear to look up at the General's face. The elephant was in the room and neither of them could say anything. _

_ John was the first speak. “I have prayed to our Father for guidance, sir but the devil leads me astray. I am fully aware that there will be consequences both in terms of the law of man and the law of God but I cannot stop it. And if you see it for me to leave-” _

_ The General raised his hand up. “Laurens. I cannot send you away. You have made it clear you do not wish to go home nor return to your family. You are one of my best soldiers and the conversations that take place under my tent will always remain a secret,” George smiled. “You are like a son to me.” _

_ Pride swelled inside of John's chest and he feels tears threatening to drop down his face. “Sir, thank you. I... this has rendered me speechless,” John said. “I do not know what to say.” _

_ “There is no need to say anything, Laurens. But I have to ask,” George looked at him with expectant eyes. “Who do you set your eyes on?” _

_ “ _ Sir! _ ” John was flabbergasted. There was no way the General would want to know who he liked. The idea of it was outrageous that the venerated and religious General wanted to know who he  _ liked _. _

_ “Now, it is only natural you feel attraction to one of the soldiers who surround you, Laurens. I will not push you to tell me for I am merely curious.” _

_ “I.. Hamilton, sir,” John said softly. “He is my friend yet I yearn for him. It is a strange feeling and I will not say anything more as I may disgust you on how my sexuality works.” _

_ The General gave a soft laugh and smiled before shuffling the pieces of paper on his desk. “Now, you are to be sent off to South Carolina to help set up a brigade of spies, is that clear?” _

_ “Yes, sir. I won't let you down.” John gave him a salute and walked out of the white tent but he paused just before he opened the flaps. _

_ “Thank you. This will forever remain in my memory,” John's out of the tent, ready to embark on his journey to South Carolina once more. _

And to that day, John never forgot it. It was one of his earliest memories from the war and it gave comfort to John whenever he thought of the hurt he experienced under his former father. He reminded himself that back then, there was one man who supported him and gave him consolation.

John ought to thank him.

In thirteen minutes, John has the veteran General and first president's number which was given to him after a short explanation to a government official who granted access to him after looking at his records.

“Thank you, ma'am,”

“And thank you, Lieutenant Colonel for serving us during the war,” the woman on the other line said. “It has been a pleasure to assist you.”

John rolls his eyes at that but thanks her once more before hanging up. He quickly files the number in his contacts and sets the name as The General. It’s not like the man will see it anytime soon.

_ Dear sir, this is a message from Lieutenant Colonel Laurens and I only wish to know how you are. I am now in college and I was hoping to know if you met any other reincarnates from our era (God forbid that Charles Lee is back.) _

_ Your obt svt, _

_ J.L. _

Once John was satisfied with the message (though it still felt awkward), he hit send and watched the message go through. He wonders what the General’s career is and he has to laugh because it was hard to imagine the godlike figure doing something so mundane. Perhaps, he was a teacher. He could’ve fully well been one due to the extent of his knowledge and the sense of command and authority he had. It was a possible thought.

Breaking his train of thought, his phone buzzes, alerting him that The General replied.

_ Wow, that was fast. _ John thinks as he unlocks his phone. _ I wonder- shit. _

**The General**

_ Good afternoon Lieutenant Colonel Laurens. I hate to break it to you but I think you got the wrong number. _

John immediately checks the contacts phone number and he groans because he realises his finger must’ve slipped when he was typing it because the last number was supposed to be an eight, not a seven.

In a haste, John decides to send an apology to the stranger who must’ve thought it was a bit strange to receive a message like that especially with the valediction at the end. He cringes as he types hoping the person he accidentally sent the text to wasn’t going to attack him for being a reincarnate because if they were some kind of an extremist, they could share his number online and people could just stalk him and send him threats. It’s happened before and it coud happen with him.

**John Laurens (you)**

_ I’m so sorry! My finger must’ve slipped when I sent that! _

John hit sends and before he knows it, there’s another message in his messages app.

**The General**

_ No, it’s okay. I have to ask, who were you supposed to message? It’s quite obvious you are in fact a reincarnate and you were reconnecting with someone you used to know. _

John bites his lower lip, a habit he developed when he was anxious or thinking hard. He isn’t sure if he should tell them that the message is intended for the first president of the U. S. so he dodges the question instead, like any normal reincarnate would do if facing that situation.

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Just an old friend. _

**Not The General**

_ Look, I’m not a reincarnate hater if that’s what you’re worried about. In fact, I wrote an essay about the need of privilege to reincarnates. _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ You think that’s really going to work? _

**Not The General**

_ http://blog.opinionatedguy.com/post/51/why_reincarnates_deserve_much_much_more/ _

Curiosity get the best of John because he’s reading the article and God, the guy is good. The arguments were practically flawless and the grammar impeccable. John couldn’t find any holes and it seemed like those who disagreed with him couldn’t find anything too because all they could do was bring up the theory that reincarnates were demons in disguise, bringing the memories of the damned with them to secure their place on earth; in other words, bullshit.

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Okay, I have to admit that was pretty good. Fine. _

_ iwasgoingtomessagegeorgewashington _

**Not The General**

_ Really? As in, the venerated, Virginian general who helped create America? Fucking shit, man! You helped free America! _

_ What were your opinions on slavery? _

_ I won’t judge you if you owned slaves back then-I mean, you have to think that you were wrong if you ever owned slaves. It’s 2015 anyways. _

_ I mean you must think it was terrible. _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Don’t worry I was actually a manumission abolitionist. My name is John, btw _

**Not The General**

_ I’m impressed, John. My name is Alexander but you can call me Alex. _

For a moment, John’s frozen. Could it be? Could it really be Alexander-his Alexander? No, he shouldn’t use  _ his _ . Alexander was never really his to begin with.

**John Laurens (you)**

_ You know what? You remind me of a friend I used to have back in the revolution. His name was even Alexander. He was good in making speeches and made terrific arguments on why we should abolish slavery back then. _

**Alexander Hamilton (?)**

_ Really? Too bad, I’m not a reincarnate though. What was his name? _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Alexander Hamilton, a founding father of the us _

**Alexander Hamilton (no memory??)**

_ Oh, I read about that guy. I literally know too much shit on the American Revolution. _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Oh really? _

**Alexander Hamilton (????)**

_ Yah. But it’s probably because I read too much. Heck, I could even tell you shit about the cold war right now. _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Is that how you sext with people? _

**Alexander (nerd)**

_ No. _

_ I sext like this. _

_ Baby girl, are you on your bed right now? _

_ Do you want me to come and join you? _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Literally no words. You suck at sexting. _

**The [Failing] Tomcat**

_ WHAT? I am amazing at sexting! You would not believe how much people I got under the covers because of how good of a flirt I am! _

**John Laurens**

_ That’s not true…. _

**The [Failing] Tomcat**

_ Fuck off. _

_ I am great at flirting AND sexting _

_ Also sex. _

_ If we ever meet, I’ll show you how to have a good time ;) _

_ John? _

_ John?? _

_ Did I scare you away? _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Yah. _

_ I literally died because of that. _

**The [Failing] Tomcat**

_ :P _

_ I AM GREAT AT FLIRTING WITH PEOPLE _

_ WHY HAVEN’T YOU FALLEN FOR ME YET JOHN?? _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Because we’ve only met and I’m not that kind of guy to fall in love at first sext. _

**The [Failing] Tomcat**

_ ಥ_ಥ _

_ Y u do dis John. _

_ I thought u loved me _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ I don’t ngl _

_ btw, my last name is Lawrence/was Laurens _

**The [Failing] Tomcat**

_ Shit, aren’t you the guy who died in South Carolina? _

_ I’m gonna guess you’re from South Carolina. _

_ opinions on racial equality and white supremacy _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Alex! I literally told you I was a manumission abolitionist! Isn’t that enough? lmao _

_ Also I’m Puerto Ricon this time ‘round so you can fuck off _

_ *Rico _

A **lexander Hamilton (???)**

_ Just checking _

_ Anyways, I gtg _

_ But we should text later on. _

_ Or message me on twitter or something @uphillclimb _

_ Or skype it’s the same thing _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ Ok but like why is ur username uphillclimb?? _

**Alexander Hamilton (???)**

_ tbh idek i guess it was because i was facing a problem and you know the saying overcome the mountain something like that and that’s what happened _

_ I really have to go, John. Bye! _

_ But talk to me later! I enjoyed this! _

_ I’m serious talk to me later _

_ I swear _

_ I literally spent all my credit texting you _

_ You should be ashamed of yourself _

_ I’m only so poor. _

**John Laurens (you)**

_ You’re so clingy _

_ I don’t feel sorry _

_ I have unlimited credit awwww poor bby _

_ Anyways, bye! I have to go too! _

**Alexander Hamilton (???)**

_ Bye baby girl ;) _

John gives the series of texts one more fond smile before placing his phone on the bed and sighs.

_ It could be Alexander. Maybe he just doesn’t know it yet. I need to know if it’s him. Shit, it could be Alexander. _ John feels like crying but he holds it down.  _ Alexander Hamilton. The man I loved. _

He’s shaking as he types the username on the search box in the twitter app and he immediately chooses the first profile the search results shows him. It loads slowly and John groans because the suspense is killing him and-

There he is in all his glory. John has to force down a sob because it  _ is _ Alexander. He’d recognise those passionate, fiery brown eyes anywhere. The profile picture was Alexander standing behind a podium, in the act of reciting a speech and his banner was just a black space and John’s totally fine with it because there’s probably more photos of Alexander and he’s right.

There are photos of him, smiling uneasily with a suit and tie but his eyes are always the same: bright, sparkling, excited and tired. That was the Alexander he knew and he was just texting him moments ago.

John doesn’t know if he should pray or laugh or just jump around and squeal like a little girl because he’s so thankful to be given a second chance. After eight years of suffering the feeling of loneliness, heartbreak and the blood that haunts his dreams, he’s finally given a reason why he should live for himself and not just for rallying and for others.

He’s finally given a reason why he’s alive and breathing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> George Washington wasn't that all good. I mean, I swear if John Laurens came out to him a bit earlier where their established relationship isn't at all good (in the fic i mean), he'd be kicked out for sure. so... yah


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: writing is messy and sloppy because it reflects John's state of mind. Basically, if my writing is shittier and more terrible than usual, that's what the character is feeling. ~~or maybe my writing is just shittier than usual and im reverting to my first language....~~
> 
> also google translate spanish sometimes because no hablos espanol sólo un poco pero no fluido y gramaticalmente correcta (i dont speak spanish just a bit but not fluent and grammatically correct)

There's a moment John can't speak and his breathing hitches as he stares at the poster thrown at him. No one in the classroom seems to notice John clench his fists and slowly count to ten in french but everyone seems to notice the poster and laughs and begins to whisper about him and all the other reincarnates in the room who are as confused, angry and shocked as he is.

It's only his first day in class and he's already been thrown racial slurs and arguments about his existence that have way too many holes, too much ad hominem, and slippery slopes. He walks down to the stage, where the teacher isn't at yet, holding the poster that bore his name, his picture and a portrait of John Laurens obviously taken from the internet. Facts about him and his family, both past and present are written surrounding his two faces and name.

John holds the poster up in the air, feeling his heart beat to a rhythm John’s sure is way too fast for a normal human being. “So, who here thinks that people like me are stupid, worthless and are demons who came to take over this damned world? Because I think those who do are stupid fucking shits who don't have a speck of intelligence!”

Suddenly, the room is quiet and usually, by that point, John would feel satisfied. Except he's not. The fact that someone looked his name up, did research about him and his family pisses him off. There were even some facts about the Laurens family that weren't even disclosed to the public.

_Henry Laurens sent John Laurens away to London due to a family scandal that not much know of. Some speculate it was because of his sexuality and nature._

Just thinking of it made John’s blood boil, causing him to rip the poster to pieces and let it fall to the ground. “You think that being a reincarnate is amazing and awesome because we get to live second lives? Well, I'm sorry but it's not! I fought in the American fucking revolution and do you think it's grand that I have to wake up in the middle of the night because I dream of soldiers being shot down right in front of me? That I feel like I'm actually in a battlefield and that I'm about to die? No, it fucking isn't! Do you think it’s wonderful that since I was ten years old, people look at me like I’m the devil? Do you think it’s cool to be refused basic human rights just because we lived lives before this one? I died because of a bullet last time but I almost died of the flu at this age! I admit I’m lucky to have a senator as a father because if it weren’t for him I’d be dead right now but other’s _are_ because they don’t have the same privilege as I do.

“Ask other reincarnated about that and you'll see that most of them will agree with me.  I mean, you probably see what happens with us. We're discarded like shit, like we aren't even human beings who have lives, families who are affected by this.” John takes a deep breath and continues speaking.

“Everyone I knew is dead and it's only worse that almost everyone in America hates reincarnates!” John’s southern drawl begins to slip in his voice, something he can’t stop when he’s angry and God knows he’s furious. “Y’all say that all men are created equal but how is that even possible when reincarnates are frowned on and looked at as the devil himself? What if we aren’t and we were just given a second chance we didn’t even expect? We just remembered one day and is it so much to ask for the same kind of respect that you give to normal people?

“What if, one day you get assassinated because you’re a big shot in this world and hundreds of years later, you’re brought back? You’d literally be in my position right now and my point is that you should clean up your acts because you’ll never know if you become a reincarnate.”

Shutting his eyes, John cooled himself down and breathes in and out- _un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept_ and he’s a bit better but he’s still angry at the people who did it. Showing a bit of humility, John bends down and picks up the pieces of glossy paper and soon, the person closest to where he’s standing helps him. John gives him his thanks and he walks out to throw them in a trashcan when he sees him.

“Washington?” John’s almost afraid as he says it but the man gives him a smile.

“May I help you, son?” His voice is almost the same but it’s a bit gentler, a bit younger too.

“I… I’m John Laurens, sir. I was an aide-de-camp in your army and you may not remember-”

“John, stop. You must remember that I only use son for those I’ve grown close with,” Washington says almost fondly. “And of course, I remember you, Jonathan. I would recognize you even if your physical appearance has changed. Though, I must say it’s strange to see you here. If I’m not mistaken, reincarnated don’t usually meet who they used to know.”

“That’s true, sir. I would love to stay and talk a bit more but I should probably be heading back to my class before the professor arrives,” John’s eyes flickered to the door. “He could arrive any minute now.”

“John, I _am_ your professor,” George says, arching his eyebrow. “But, let’s get in. You can go first if you want to.”

A bit stunned, John nods and walks back to the classroom with his hands in his pocket. There’s little noise when he comes in and he’s fully aware everyone’s eyes are on him so he ducks his head and continues to his seat where the two people had apparently changed seats.

Shortly after John enters, George comes in and sets his leather bag on the table.

“Good afternoon, my name is George W. Harford and I am a reincarnate,” he says. “Does anyone have a problem with that?”

Of course, there's a ripple of whispers that travel across the room and some even have the guts to make a face. One boy stood up and discretely left the room and John saw that. Several students who received posters themselves began to fidget in their seats as the others voices grew louder and quite angrier.

One guy stands up on his table. “Sir, I mean no disrespect but why the hell would the administration hire a reincarnate who doesn't-”

“Young man, sit down!” That was enough to make the entire class shut up.

For a minute, there's only silence as George stared at them all, one by one. No doubt was the entire class scared shitless but John was quite used to that-but not quite. It was still terrifying to see George Washington lose his cool. It was like seeing him curse at Charles Lee that day during the Battle of Monmouth.

“Now, I understand that most of you hate reincarnates for reasons of religion, science, political beliefs or personal ones. But I am your professor, your teacher and you must give me your utmost respect,” George says, eyes burning with rage. “You should not care who I was back then because what matters now is that I am alive right now and a human being who still breathes the same air as you do,experiencing all the things you experienced. This will be the first and last time I will speak of this because you all of you will show respect to me and other reincarnates in this class when it is history class. Am I clear?”

There are murmurs of yes, students looking down at their desks with a burning sense of humiliation John sensed coming from them. Some huffed and stayed silent but George looked on at them with a glare and they immediately put on their best poker face, pretending they weren’t bothered at all.

“I didn't hear you. Was that a yes or no?” George crossed his arms.

“Yes, sir,” it's a lie and everyone knows it.

The day passed quickly without any more events, just several students looking at John with disgust and several more whispering about him and others like him. It seemed like the bias against reincarnates was still at large even in one of the most liberal colleges in America.

It’s only a matter of time before the movements finally come and John _knows_ he’s going to join them. He’ll die, defending the rights of those who were born again. It’s not the fault of some kid suddenly remembering their past life and suddenly being treated like shit. John shivered and plays with the strings of his jacket to keep himself busy while he walks across the campus for his next subject.

He’s about to make a turn when he hears someone scream. He looks around then breaks out on a sprint to help whoever was screaming. He’s a bit scared but he tries to calm himself down that he’s faced worse, blood, gore and his friends dying all around him.

It’s a girl. She’s been strangled. No one else is there but him and the girl.

John feels faint but he continues forward and checks for a pulse. There’s none. Quickly, he notices an I. D. on the ground and stifles a gasp, his cries, his surprise when he sees she’s  registered as a reincarnate. It could’ve just been a coincidence but there was still the looming thoughts that she was a _reincarnate_. And she was killed. On campus.

Pulling himself together, John takes out his phone and dials Washington, the first man he thought of. Five minutes later, he answers.

“John, I’m in the middle-”

“Someone’s been murdered,” John’s throat is surprisingly dry but he persists despite his discomfort. “It’s a girl. Some reincarnate I don’t know but she’s dead, strangled probably, behind the library. There are-”

“Son, be quiet. Just stay there, don’t do anything stupid. I’ll alert the authorities, okay? Just breathe,” George says. “I’ll be there soon. Just breathe, okay? Just breathe.”

John mumbles a small ‘okay’ but he’s fairly certain Washington understands. All he can do is sit down on the ground and try not to stare at the rapidly paling body across him. Minutes pass by and suddenly, there’s some boy walking towards him.

He's tall, large and a bit intimidating. He wears a blue bandana over his forehead and a navy blue jacket over his body; if John wasn't shaking so much, he would have noticed the concerned look on his face. John doesn't know who he is so he hugs his legs and looks down, shaking and afriad.

“Washington sent me here! I was told someone got killed and are you okay?” The boy drops beside him and immediately checks on him. “Washington will be here any moment-sir!”

George is by his side and “Help, John up and bring him to the clinic, Hercules. You’re excused from my class today. Just help him out. The clinic won’t accept him so take him to your place and patch him up.”

“But I don’t-”

“I trust you, Mulligan. Your family has always been good friends of mine,” George says, touching John’s forehead. “Now go drive there.”

The boy, Hercules looks at John for a moment before nodding and helping John off the ground. It’s a silent walk to wherever the hell they’re going and John’s thoughts are blank; he just wants to go the safety of his home, where his family is at.

“We’re almost there,” Hercules says. “Just don’t faint.”

John doesn’t and soon, he’s seated inside of a car that’s covered with fabrics and threads of different types of colors. It’s a quick drive to where Hercules place is at and before he knows it, some lady is handing him a cup of hot chocolate and there’s a heavy blanket wrapped around him but he still feels cold and aloof.

“John, right?” It’s Hercules and he’s sitting in front of him. “Do you want to go to a hospital?”

Unable to form words in his mouth, John shakes his head and raises the mug to his lips, shaking a bit. He’s in shock and he remembers the first time he went in shock in this lifetime; the first time he remembered a memory.

“Do you have a family member-”

“No!” John calms himself down before he continues to speak. “I mean… I don’t want to bother them. I… I shou-should go.”

John makes a lousy attempt to stand up but he falls back on the couch. It’s been such a long time since he’s felt that helpless and that was years ago. All Hercules does is stare at him with pity and John hates it because he was a goddamned soldier for Christ’s sake. He’s seen uglier scenarios than just some person strangled.

Hercules drops his gaze and begins to fumble with his hands, the pillow John didn’t notice was in his lap. The words ‘Sons of Liberty’ are embroidered on it and for a moment, it makes John smile before he resumes staring at the wall.

Hercules breaks the silence. “You must be close with Washington to have have him drop his class so quickly,” Hercules says. “Were you a close friend of his back then?”

“What do you mean?” John asks.

“He doesn’t call just call anyone ‘son,’” Hercules says. “He reserves that for people he fought with during the war. I’m guessing you were an aide-de-camp of his.”

“I was. I… I don’t know.” John feels a bit more comfortable now that he’s talking with someone. It distracts him from the face of the young girl.

“What do you mean?” Hercules asks.

“I don’t know. I feel… dizzy? I can hardly think straight,” John rambles. “I think I met you before but I can’t be too sure. I’m pretty sure I’ve met a Hercules Mulligan before I just don’t remember. Are you a reincarnate? I don’t think you are. Maybe you have a relative whose name is Hercules Mulligan or something. Maybe I met your ancestors before.”

It’s the first time John sees the boy smile and somehow, it calms him down a bit more. It felt like Hercules was acting as his anchor to reality so that he wouldn’t drift away.

“My namesake was Hercules Mulligan the first and he helped in the American revolution. You may have heard of him before,” he says. “I’m the seventh person named after him now.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t really remember. It’s a bit fuzzy,” John gives him a small smile. “Even now, not all of my memories have returned.”

It’s quiet after that. It’s peaceful and John’s thankful Hercules stays by his side, sitting down on the floor while he just breathes. There’s a possibility new memories will resurface at that point of time but John’s too tired and he wishes it won’t be a friend dying, or his father, a bad memory or anything. He just wants to sleep.

He’s about to drift away when suddenly, there’s a banging sound coming from the front door. Before Hercules goes to open it, he gives him an apologetic look and dashes away. John can hear someone swearing and talking in Spanish but he isn’t too sure. Maybe he’s just weaker than usual and his body’s about to fall into a memory.

“No hablo español, Alexander! Calm down and speak English!” Hercules sounds so distressed it actually makes John smile.

“¡Lo siento, lo siento! Entrado-I was just panicking, sorry.”

There are muffled sounds of footsteps coming his way and when Hercules and the newcomer arrive, John stands up, knees shaking but fully upright.

“Alexander?” That’s all he can say before he blacks out.

There’s only darkness at first, no sounds but slowly, he hears a noise and a bright light that seems to come from nowhere until the full picture is shown. Laurens is crying, ripping a letter his father sent him. The pieces of paper slowly float down the stream where the ink mixes with the water, becoming illegible and blotty.

_“Lieutenant Colonel, sir?”_

_Quickly, Laurens stood up and dried his tears before the young man can find him in his state of weakness, being a fool really. Wasting tears on his father, a man who could never fully understand him._

_“John Laurens, sir?” Alexander emerged from the trees and takes a quick survey of the scenery before approaching him slowly._

_“You look unwell. What seems to trouble you?” Alexander’s tone was polite but Laurens knows he wants to know what really happened._

_“Nothing, Alexander. I wish to be alone for now,” Laurens sat back down on the boulder and stared at the ripples of water that form due to the rocks and pebbles at the bottom._

_“I… okay.” Alexander turns to walk away but he stopped walking and turns back at him with concern written all over his features._

_“I am only here, Laurens. The marquis will also be happy to listen to your woes,” Alexander said. “You musn’t be upset. Your friends will always be there for you.”_

_Hamilton finally leaves, leaving Laurens all alone in solitude. It takes a full minute before Laurens can fully register what Alexander said but he’s grateful when he does because if gives him a fleeting sense of hope-even if just for a minute that there are people who truly care for his wellbeing._

_He stares at the final piece of paper that hasn’t been ripped to shreds and reads it._

**_...would disown you but it would only cause me troubles._ **

_He ripped it and left the scenery._

John opens his eyes and smiles when he sees Alex sitting beside him, holding a wet rag on his forehead, looking at him with wide eyes.

"I... thank you, Alex," John says softly.

All Alex does is smile and honestly, that's enough for John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations:  
> no hablos espanol - i dont speak spanish  
> ¡lo siento lo siento! entrado -sorry, sorry! i
> 
> so alex and john finally meets face to face :) next chapter might feature the police and scared john and smol child alex and if you're asking, y no reincarnate hercules, it's because he died with a good life and he doesn't fit the qualifications :))


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i am back from my hiatus (which included an audition, a rejection, me complaining and me just moping around the house) and i am sad that jonathan groff left hamilton and also i am sad im too poor to afford the HAMILTOME :((

There’s nothing like waking up to sweet tea, a sleeping Alex beside him and peace and quiet.

John stares at Alex who has his head thrown back at the head of the couch and it makes him smile for a moment, for just a second before he throws the blanket that was given to him by Hercules. It's still dawn but John's used to waking up at unusual hours of the day-whether it be one in the afternoon or three in the morning.

He stands up and sits by the window, watching the sunrise in by the horizon while the town slowly woke up. It gave him a strange sense of melancholy, perhaps that he never really felt so at peace before in his former life. His father, Henry Laurens only gave him immense expectations that always failed to meet. Martha, his wife tried to fill the aching hole in his chest but failed to do even with her affectionate letters and joyful news about their daughter. Never did he think he'd feel so... peaceful.

“I didn't expect you to be an early bird,”

John turns around and smiles at Alex who's lazily grinning at him from the couch.

“I wake up at unusual times of the hour,” John says, shrugging before crossing the room to sit on the arms of the couch. “And it's worth it too since I get to see your bed head.”

Alex hums and gets off the couch. “Did I forget to mention I'm a fantastic cook of pancakes?” He asks.

John laughs and his heart flutters because God, Alex looks ethereal with the light shining on his face, the rays of sun outlining his features with a delicate trace of gold. It reminds him of Alexander and he wonders if Alex is truly Hamilton or just another boy who's too smart, too loud, too good with words like him.

Alex takes his wrist and drags him to the kitchen where he shows him where the Mulligans hide their things which really meant Hercules amazing sketches strewn all over the place.

They laugh while they prepare the batter and somehow, they wake up Hercules who comes in rolling his eyes at them. To offer their peace, Alex gives him the first pancake he makes which to Hercules' delight is wonderful and perfect.

“Man, Alex! Why'd you only busy these skills now? These are great!” Hercules exclaims, shoving another piece into his mouth.

“Nothing. Now felt like a good time to make pancakes, that's all,” Alex says, flipping another pancake. “And I'm hungry.”

“So, Alex lives here?” John asks, turning to both of them.

“More or less,” Hercules shrugs.

“I've got lots of places to stay but the Mulligans' residence is my favorite place. I feel drawn to this place somehow,” Alex replies. “And I'm so glad I stumbled here. It was a rainy night and... well, I have this weird fear of thunder and it was raining really hard so I went to the porch and Hercules' mom opens it and lets me in. Next thing I know, they're acting like I'm part of their family. Crazy!”

“My dad actually enrolled Alex in King's college,” Hercules whispers to John. “But since Alex still has a few problems to sort out, he can’t go to college yet.”

Alex snorts and sets the last batch of pancakes down on the table before sitting down. “I heard you! Anyways, it’s because I came here a bit too late-I literally only arrived two weeks ago,” he says. “And Hercules somehow managed to convince me that reincarnates are cool.”

“So before you met Herc, you didn’t like reincarnates. Rude,” John says, putting his hand over his chest.

“But you should see how fast he writes. He has fifty-nine articles in his blog and he only started two weeks ago! Alexander is non-stop,” Hercules jabbed his fork towards Alex’s direction. “At this rate, he’ll not only be the young student in your class he’ll also graduate the earliest.”

“There may be smarter people than me, Mulligan. But I think I won’t skip any years,” Alex sips on his glass. “I prefer to be the smartass of the class.”

“But wait! You enrolled late! That means you get the bad teachers and the early class time slots! Ha!” John exclaims.

Slowly, Alex set his glass down and looked like he was going to scream but God, if John had his phone there, he’d take a quick picture of Alex and probably make it into the next big meme.

Before John could make a comment about Alex’s face, the door swung open, revealing George sporting a white polo and black tie and in his hand, a folder.

He looked at them before going in with a grimace on his face.

“Mr. Washinger, what’s up?” Hercules asked, a bit too cheerfully.

“Nothing… they told me they won’t look into the girl’s murder,” George sat down. “Told me it wasn’t worth their time.”

All three of them blinked and stared at George in silence before Alex stood up.

“No! Whoever that girl is, her parents deserve to know who the hell her murderer is or who her murderers are! I don’t know her but-”

“Alex, no speeches, please.” Hercules took Alex’s arm and made him sit down again.

“But Alex is right. It isn’t okay to just let the murderers get away. It isn’t just reincarnates who are in danger-everyone is! It could just be a coincidence that a reincarnate got murdered,” John says. “And Alex is right. Her parents should be provided the justice she deserves.”

“I hate to dampen your spirit, son but they don’t really care about her since they found out about her. I dug into her file-Government’s scared shitless out of me,” George smiles. “And she was in the process of legally changing her surname.”

“Oh.”

Alex stands up, looking extremely pissed off. “That's it, I’m going to the campus,” he says. “Who wants to join me?”

“I… well, my plan was to go back to my apartment but doing that is good too,” John says, shrugging. “Herc, you in?”

“Haven’t been in college since I graduated… seems fun, why not?” Hercules stands up and grins at them. “It’ll also be nice to see Alexander fuck shit up.”

George stares at them for a moment before shaking his head and smiling. “Go. If you need any help, just give me a ring, John and I’ll send some of my students who are in the movement, okay?”

“Yes, sir. We won’t let you down.”

  


Of course, Alexander immediately took his place in the middle of the campus, standing on one of the benches. Hercules and John stood beside him, trying to act cool as Alex yelled at the passersby who simply ignored him or rolled their eyes at him.

“Okay, yeah fuck this,” Alex took a deep breath. “Who wants to know about the girl who got murdered yesterday?”

Almost everyone in the vicinity stopped walking and looked at them with interested and troubled faces but it was clear that no one knew about the murder seen in the confusion of their faces. It was a small victory but Alex didn’t seem satisfied with just their reactions.

“So, no one knows about this? Well, it’s because she’s a reincarnate! Do you have any idea how oppressed reincarnates are? Do you have any idea how many rights they’re denied when they are  _ just _ basic human rights everyone should be entitled to have?” Alex laughs. “It’s so fucking stupid! They’re human beings, let it go! In France, I heard Napoleon has returned but the thing is, people put aside what he was and look at what he is now! They don’t care that he was Napoleon-okay, they do a bit but they give him the things he deserves. Every reincarnate in France has their rights so why not here?”

“Because why should we waste our resources on them if they’ve already lived? They should be dead,” one girl says, coming closer to John. “Are you a reincarnate? Well, you should be dead and you’re acting selfishly! Lots of people haven't fully experienced life yet because woah-it’s their first time. You have already experienced life, probably got married, fell in love-”

“I fought in the war and I was forced to get married,” John says coldly. “I died on the battlefield and died for America.”

“Exactly! This is new to reincarnates too! Technology, scientific discoveries, medicines, feminism and LGBT rights! God, every day there’s a new thing to discover and they’re part of that. Back before, they didn’t have that so let them experience all the new things we have too!” Alex’s voice grew louder and louder which attracted more students to gather at the bench.

“They’re fucking devils! They possessed those poor people and claim that they’re reincarnates. They’re just trying to influence us with their trickery-”

“Oh my God, Seabury. Shut the fuck up,” Hercules says, rolling his eyes. “Do you really want me to punch you right now?”

“Why? Still not over the fact your brother’s a reincarnate-oh wait!” Seabury smiles at him before dropping the facade. “Your brother is dead!”

In shock by the revelation, all John could do was stare at Hercules as he barrelled towards Seabury with a cry. No one made a move as Hercules punched him repeatedly on the face and all Alex did was watch with a somber face.

“Fuck you, Samuel. That was really low of you,” Hercules punched him one more time before standing up. “And you say you’re religious. No one should speak of the dead that way.”

“Your brother should be dead,” Seabury stood up, wiping the blood off his face. “He was nothing more than a demon in disguise.”

“Shut your fucking mouth, man! That isn’t cool,” John says. “No one should affront the dead like that.”

“John, I don’t think you should use the word affront. It won’t get in that little head of his since he’s so stupid!” Alex gave John a high five.

“I am not tolerating-”

“Well, neither am I! As a reincarnate and a living, breathing human being, I speak for all the reincarnates who have been oppressed,” John stood up beside Alex who squeezed his shoulder for support. “And we deserve so much more. We don’t want your pity-just the rights we have been denied time and time all over again. Think about this: later in your lifetime, you may have children and one of them may be a reincarnate. Don’t you want to secure them a happy life?”

“Lucky for me, I’m aromantic and asexual,” one girl laughed. “I’m not having any children-let alone  _ reincarnate _ children.”

“Shut up! Anyways, my point is that we are all human beings alike. Black people, Latinos, Mexicans, Caucasians, Asians and whatever! We are all human beings,” Alex says. “Isn’t that enough to move your conscience?”

Surges of angry cries came from those who supports reincarnates and reincarnates themselves and began to cheer. Hercules gave Alex and John a thumbs up and a wink before cheering along with the rest of the crowd. Others who still didn’t get the point decided to walk away but some stayed to argue and some stayed to actually listen to what they had to say and in all honesty, it was one of the most successful rallies of sorts John had attended.

Unfortunately, some teachers broke the crowd and told them to go home.

“Mr. Hamilton, you are being evaluated for a scholarship and this is what you do? You can’t just do that,” one teacher says.

“I’m just sticking up for the truth, sir. I thought this college is liberal,” Alex crosses his arms.

“It is if it’s for the right reasons,” the teacher shot back. “Now go back home!”

John walks to the man with a scowl on his face. “It is for-”

“Leave it, Laurens. We should be heading back to our homes,” Hercules says.

Biting his lip, John nods but gave the man one last look before rejoining his friends. He looks at Hercules and pats his shoulder.

“I didn’t know your brother was a reincarnate,” John says softly.

“It’s okay. He died a long time ago,” Hercules whispers. “I’m over it.”

“But... “ John wasn’t sure if he should ask Hercules why his brother died since he just met him. Still, he felt this brotherly affection for the older boy and he wanted to make sure he was okay.

“He was a spy for a pro-reincarnation group. He became a bodyguard for a politician who was known to hate reincarnates and he was found out so he was killed. The politician is gone now and I don’t really think about him anymore,” Hercules says. “I’m okay.”

Alex reaches for his shoulder. “Mulligan-”

“I’m okay! God, I’m okay. Just drop it!” He says.

“I... okay,” Alex retracts his hand from Hercules' shoulder and the dead silence settles between all three of them once more. It's uncomfortable and John reckons someone should be speaking so he speaks.

“Well, I still can't believe people actually listened to us!” John exclaims, bouncing on the balls of his toes. “I've gone to lots of rallies and speeches before but this is where people actually listened to us!”

Alex places his arm around John's shoulder and smiles. “It's because we're good! We're fucking amazing!” He says.

“You guys were amazing. No one-” Hercules was cut off by the ringing of his phone.

“Who is it?” Alex asks.

“Washington. Hold on,” Hercules a answers the call and places his phone against his ear. They all stay silent for a while as the muffled voice of George came from the phone. Suddenly, Hercules' face contorts to anger and confusion.

“You're on what? They can't do that, sir!” He exclaims. “They can't just put you on probation!”

“Put it on speaker!” Alex says.

“... know I'm one of the organizers of the movement groups in the college. They didn't like people actually listened to you,” George says. “King's college is liberal in terms of feminism and the black movement but the staff won't support us if it means they'll lose their patrons.”

“But... but sir!” John felt like he's been punched in the gut.

“John? I'm sorry but they can't lose money and the donations they accept from the patrons,” George says. “King's College is only standing because of the people who support it and they don't support us.”

“That isn't fair! King's college can stand on its own. The tuition is enough,” Alex says, his voice growing louder and more emotional. “You shouldn't be fired.”

“Alexander. It's okay. I'll only be gone for a month,” George reassures him. “Then I can be your professor.”

“How's Martha? Is she handling the news well?” Hercules asks.

George laughs. “She's angry. She wants to march into the office and tell them all off,”

“Martha's also back, sir?” John asks, knitting his brows together.

“Unfortunately, no. She isn't. This is a different Martha but I have to say, she is almost exactly like Martha,” George sighs. “Well, I have to go. The children will-”

“Children?”

“Yes, John. Just because I was infertile last time doesn't mean I can't have children now. Now I have to go, son. Martha’s going to work and the President needs-”

“She works at the White House!?” John asks.

“Yes. Now I have to go!” The line goes dead and John smiles at Alex and Hercules.

“I have an idea.”

* * *

“So, I've been working on this speech to talk to the officials about reincarnation rights and George thinks it's a good idea. They certainly like listening to famous figures,” John says, rolling off his bed to stare at Alex. “It's a good plan, right?”

“John, no offense but you aren't exactly famous. Washington's famous but you aren't on his level of famous. Only history nerds will know you,” Alex looks up from his laptop and hands him a piece of paper. “Now go draw some turtles.”

Over the span of the week, it became a routine for Alex to visit John whenever he could. Alex would bring his laptop containing several half-finished essays and if John was lucky, maybe a poem or two. John would take some of his essays, add some paragraphs here and there and expound on some ideologies Alex had written. It wasn't exactly a relaxing bond on most times but when things quieted down and the sun was starting to set, Alex would lie beside John and just... hold him.

“But it's a good idea! I could convince them and stuff-it'll be like speaking in front the Continental Congress!”

“And you were denied twice for the freedom of eight hundred slaves if they joined the war. My dear, Laurens,” John blinks. “This is no less different.”

John turns red and catches the website Alex is on while Alex laughs at him. “I hate you... you're on the archive again, aren't you?” John takes the laptop from Alex and closes the tab. “Those are personal-what the fuck was John Church Hamilton thinking!?”

“It's good entertainment though! Tell me, Laurens,” Alex waggled his eyebrows at him. “Did you ever had an affair with Alexander Hamilton, the man who published his own sex scandal before this great nation was even ten?”

“Alexander, you are really one for questions aren't you. You should ask my friend, Lafayette who's currently dead in France right now. He'll be glad to answer your questions,” John says, rolling his eyes. “French little fucker always loved to tease us about it.”

“John! Do not speak of the dead that way! Don't be so fucking rude,” Alex stands up and flings himself to the bed and lies beside John. “They'll come back to haunt you, mon ami.”

“Lafayette is dead. He can't be a reincarnate because one, he's lived a good happy life,” John says. “Two, if he were, he'd be all over the news with stories like french dude accidentally kills a British man. Believe me, he's like that.”

“Your friends are weird, John Lawrence and so are you,” Alex let's his head rest on John's chest. “Good thing you're damn cute.”

The words that left Alex's mouth caused John's eyes to 

widen. Was Alex flirting with him, giving him clues he liked him? Without knowing it, John had started to stroke Alex's hair-just like he'd done when he was still John Laurens.“John, are you okay?” Alex asks, breathing in.

“Yah, I was just thinking about something,” John looks down and retracts his hand from Alex's hair like he was touching fire. “Shit, I'm sorry.”

Alex propped himself on his hand and stares at him. “It's okay. It's relaxing? I don't know, John but it's-why do you look so terrified?” He asks. “A... are you homophobic or something?”

Immediately, John shakes his head. “God, no. I'm gay, Alex. It's just that-sometimes I remember what it's like during the seventeen hundreds,” John says. “Homosexuality was treated like a disease and my father...”

Alex takes his hand. “It's okay. You don't need to talk about it,” he tells him.

“No, I can do it. You deserve to know-”

“I've only been your friend for a week, John,” Alex says softly.

“But I feel like I've known you for longer. It's okay. I'll be fine,” John takes a deep breath and tells his story. “My father sent me away to Switzerland and London to study but in reality, it was to keep me away from our family. He couldn't disown me or tell the public because it'd ruin his name. He threatened me to cut my connections with my siblings and I love them too much. I agreed to stay in London and attempted to like girls more. It didn't work but my father bought it and agreed to let me come home.

“When I got home, I got a girl pregnant and I forced myself to marry her because well, I couldn't let our child grow without a father. In the end, I kept my distance from both of them and I was killed before I could meet Frances.”

“Oh. But it's twenty fifteen now, John. Being gay is more or less accepted in American society,” Alex says. “It's different now.”

“I know, I know. I'm being stupid, aren't I? Jesus, I’m really stupid,” John says, looking up at Alex with watery eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Alex closes the gap between them and holds him tight in his arms. “There’s nothing to be sorry about, John. You don’t have to be sorry,” he says.

John pushes him away. “I don’t know, Alex! Sometimes, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that gay people are accepted and integrated into society! My father was a terrible man and my dad now is just so okay with it I’m scared that maybe one day he might change his mind and kick me out! You don’t understand since you’re-”

“I’m bi, John and I still face that discrimination, okay? My father kicked me out because he can’t accept the fact I could sleep with a guy. At least you have a dad who actually accepts you! This is my first life but at least you have a better life now, okay?” Alex scoffs and sits up. “Like I don’t understand what you went through. Just because the LGBT community is widely accepted, there are still assholes like my father who don’t accept us. I’m bisexual, John and I do know what you’re going through. Don’t think that you know me so well.”

John sits up, trying to process the information he just received. No sounds, no words seem to fill the unsettling gap of silence that settled between them-something John never thought he’d hear when it comes to him and Alexander. A breeze passes as Alex stands up and from the bed. He takes his laptop and takes his coat and scarf before heading out the room. They don’t say a word to each other even while Alex looks at him one last time before he disappears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there they fought and john's being insensitive and why is alex so upset you may ask it's because john's not looking at the present where he has a good family and at least he has a nice family wherein alex has a terrible father who doesn't like him :))
> 
> so leave ur comments and ask questions and i'll answer them and put love in them bECAUSE IM UPSET THAT THEY REJECTED ME BECAUSE OF MY HEIGHT LIKE THE LADY SAID "u have a great voice but ur too tall sweaty :)" AND I AM SO DONE !!!! ok im over it
> 
> also I need beta readers and go to my tumblr because I am accepting hamilton prompts :)) any ship and please send me #4 or 5 or anything painful


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing's very sloppy. Like I said, when John is in shambles and in emotional distress, my writing will mimic his way of thinking in those moments. So, enjoy and I'm glad to be back from a sorta long break! (its s short im sorry like 2000 words only sorry)

There’s so much work to do.

John is constantly working, typing out essays for college and for his speech that he has to deliver in front of senators all over America, the congress and the President himself.

After contacting Martha Washington-Harford, she agreed to schedule a public speech that he would give in that would let him talk about the issues in regards to the oppression of reincarnates like him. It’s a big task but it’s nothing John can’t handle. He just wishes Alex could be there to help him.

Glancing at the laptop’s clock, he grimaces and continues to type out his essay for literature. It doesn’t matter that it’s three in the morning-he has so much work to do.

The city is slowly waking from its slumber and soon, John hears cars drive past his apartment. The sky outside his window is gradually turning into a light blue but it’s still dark. The purple mix with the dark Prussian blue and John thinks it’s beautiful. With a sigh, John looks back at his laptop and continues to type out his essay.

He knows and understands the health precautions he’s taking but he doesn’t care. He has to distract himself; distract himself from the harsh reality of Alex’s words and the horrible reality of his mother’s conditions.

The call came shortly after Alex left. In his trance, John doesn’t notice the phone ringing until a minute later. His sister’s name, Martha flashes across the screen and a unsettling feeling forms in his stomach because it’s ten o’clock in the evening. His sister doesn’t call him after nine thirty because of the rules he set before college. It means she took the risk.

_ “John? John!” _

The frantic voice of his sister snapped him out of his daze and he immediately asked Mary what was wrong.

“It's mom! She-we don't know if she'll last any longer, John. It's terrible,” his sister sniffles. “Can you go home?”

“I... I don't know, Martha,” John said softly. “I have so much-”

“Is it for a rally? John, mom is more important! Just set some time for her, please!” His sister is begging and there's already a whine in her voice. It breaks John's heart to hear her like that but he doesn't-can't look at his mother like that. He just can't.

Still, it's be selfish for John to just stay there while his mother could die any moment. He tells her he'd go to South Carolina to visit them during the weekend and promises her that he'll go.

He will. He doesn’t break promises.

The weekend's still far-three days away so he works and works so no precious time is wasted. Paranoia sometimes takes over John’s body when there are days like these. Reincarnates aren’t easy targets in neighborhoods like the one he’s residing in but there’s always a lingering  _ what if? What if it’s his last day? What if they target him? What if he dies today? _

He feels so alone.

John glances at the clock once more and he can't help but let the tears flow from his eyes. It almost feels familiar, the crying. He used to cry a lot when he was younger and when he was still John Laurens. Still, no matter how many times he felt it, the pain bubbling in his chest is something he can never get used to.

Why is that he's always alone? Even with his friends back in the day, he always had something to hide from them. He hid it with smiles and jokes, flirting with the ladies in the street who would never suspect him for the serious offence he's committed. Now, he's found his former friends, made new friends but there's always something holding him back. It's not the matter of trust but the feeling he doesn't want to burden them with such heavy remorse he'd encountered since his former life that piled up until now. He felt like no one could ever understand him.

It's five o'clock in the morning and John has a class at eight. He should sleep but he can't. He doesn't want to dream. Days like that, he dreams and his dreams aren't pretty. It’s filled with blood, homophobic slurs and the days he stared at the bottom of the bridge, a watchtower, the place where he could end his miseries.

Rubbing his wrists a bit he grabs his phone and calls Hercules. Hopefully, he’ll understand. John may be weak but he isn’t stupid; he knows what could happen if he’s alone any longer. He doesn’t want to trouble his family any further- they’re already facing a difficult situation and they don’t need him to make things any worse.

He still remembers the day he almost died. No, he remembers the  _ days _ he almost died. There are four times he attempted to take his own life during the war but luckily, Alexander or the Marquis would always find him in a nick of time. There were no questions asked but Alexander would always remind him that if he was in need of consolation, they were there for him.

There are also two times he tried to take his own life in the life he leads now. He was only twelve years old when he jumped in the icy cold pool in the middle of winter. Luckily, his cousin saw him jump in and tossed him back to the surface when he didn’t come out after a whole minute passed. It was the day he got tested as a reincarnate-they day he was officially shunned from society. The second time was when he thought it’d be better to just die. Weren’t the people right? He doesn’t deserve a second life anymore. He already lived a life. Just when he was about to swallow the pills, he realised he still had a life. He still had a family. His family is the only reasons he avoids blades during bad days, pills or rope. He calls someone-perhaps a friend or mutual, and they always make sure he doesn’t do anything rash.

“John?”

John stifles his gasp when he hears Alex’s voice. It breaks his train of thought but he thinks  why did  _ he _ pick up? Why couldn’t Hercules just answer? With a shaking voice, John asks for Hercules as politely as he can, hoping the tremors in his voice goes unnoticed.

“He isn’t here right now. He’s with… a friend,” Alex replies. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m okay,” tears start to cloud John’s vision once more and his chest feels so damn heavy. “I’ll be fine. I-I’m good.”

“John,  count to ten. You’ll feel better,” Alex sighs. “You can do that, right?”

Anger bubbles in John’s chest but he doesn’t know why it’s even there. He clenches his fists. “I said I’m fine! Jesus  _ fucking _ Christ!” John ends the call and throws his phone on top of his bed. He stares after it and realizes what a fucking ass he is. It causes him to break again.

He just sits there, hugging his legs, crying softly while the rays of sun peak from his curtains. He’s always lonely. Always.

Minutes pass quickly and John is just sitting on the floor with his tear stained face. He feels like shit but he refuses to sleep. He’s like a kid who woke up from a nightmare. They refuse to sleep because they might see the monsters again; John refuses to sleep because he might see his past again.

A loud bang comes from the front door and John scrambles to get on his feet. There’s only one person who could go inside, who has the spare keys-Alex. Wrapping the blanket around his body, John walks out of his room and is greeted by the stoic face of Alex. He’s just staring at him but his his hands are fidgeting-he quickly holds them together after a second passes.

“Why are you here?” John asks.

Alex doesn’t say a word and walks calmly to the kitchen. He throws his scarf on one of the chairs and starts to pull stuff from the cabinets, the drawers and from the fridge. Curiously, John just stands there, watching Alex washing his hands, cutting up the chicken John bought four days ago, pouring stuff in a bowl and marinating the chicken and finally frying it. Somehow, Alex also finds the time and ingredients to make soup from scratch.

When Alex’s finished, he sets the food on the table and takes his scarf from the chair once more. Alex still doesn’t look at John as he begins to leave.

“Why did you even come here?” John’s voice is a bit desperate, it’s also soft but he knows Alex can hear him.

“You should eat, drink lots of water and sleep. That-”

John walks forward and grabs Alex’s arm . “You’re dodging the question. Why are you here?” He asks.

“You’re sick. No one’s here to help you,” Alex says, keeping his eyes down. “I should really go.”

“Really? Do you pity me? That I can’t even take care of myself? That I’m crying over-” John feels so delirious he’s starting to cry again. He lets go of Alex and stands there, wiping his tears from his face. It’s like he’s a fucking child and he hates that so much; to feel helpless while his breath racks into heavy sobs.

When he feels a set of arms embrace him, he stops for a moment and blinks through his tears to see Alex hugging him. The tears start to fall again and this time, he doesn’t hold back anymore.

“John, c’mon,” Alex strokes his back. “It’s okay.”

“You d-don’t understand. You will never understand,” John sobs. “It’s always like this. I don’t understand  _ why _ it’s always like this.”

“Shhh, be quiet, John. Just,” Alex holds him tighter. “Just slow down.”

“You will never understand, Alexander. You don’t understand,” John heaves and finally feels his knees give way as he crashes, only to be held up by Alex. “You don’t  _ undertstand _ .”

Alex lets them sink to the floor and continues to hold John, doing his best to comfort him. He plants kisses on his cheeks and holds his hand, counts to ten in english and in spanish. It offers comfort to John but there’s still pain in the moments Alex gives him peace. It will never go farther than this. They will only remain as friends, nothing more and maybe less one day. Even in this lifetime, John will always lose Alex. It’s written in their narrative, the story written in their destinies.

Suddenly, John feels like he’s being lifted, being brought back to his room. He’s pretty exhausted so he doesn’t put up a fight and lets Alex lay him on his bed. Alex whispers something to him he can’t decipher and soon, he’s tucked in.

“Don’t leave,” John whispers, taking his hand.

“I ha-okay. I’ll stay,” Alex sits beside him and strokes his hand with his thumb.

Never going to go farther than this. He was never yours and he never will be.

John pushes his thoughts away and dozes off, still feeling Alex’s presence beside him. It reminds him of the days Alexander would stay beside him when he was injured and vice versa. The parallels of their relationship then and now is cruel but it grants him peace of mind as he sleeps; there are no gunshots, no blood, no screaming. Just darkness.

When John wakes up, Alex is gone. The only evidence that Alex was there is the note and a glass of water on his bedstand. His laptop’s also opened and when he looks at it, the essay he was working on is finished and polished. His other essays are also opened they’re all polished. Next, he checks his speech. Nothing’s new but there’s a note below the end.

_ It’s perfect. - A. _

Somehow, it makes John smile and his chest flutters. He drinks the water on his bedstand and reads the note Alex left him. It’s written in cursive-pretty and elegant and John wonders if Alex actually spent time making it look so damn good. It’s better than the cursive he used back in the day-and that’s something to say.

_ The food is in your fridge. Drink lots of water. You’re probably dehydrated.  -Alex _

_ PS your roommate is there. You’ll like him a lot-he’s french. He’s cool. _

_ PPS I’m also sorry for acting like a dick this morning and the other day. If we could meet up tomorrow at the starbucks near here at six pm, that would be great. I’ll explain myself. _

John’s glad they’re on better terms and that they’ll be meeting up again. But first, he needs to find out who the fuck his roommate is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all im so sorry for such a long wait but im back now! So, who do you think is his roomie (god it's so obvious i cant wait to upload the next chapter :)) if there are any mistakes, grammar whatevers, you can tell me :) I'll fix it.  
> And why is John acting like an Alexander, you may ask? Well, I like to think that ever since John remembered, he became a bit paranoid and scared. So like here, he throws himself to work or anything really to keep his mind off it (it doesnt really work as you read.) More questions? Just hit me up here or on tumblr-I'll reply :)  
> and leave me kudos and feedback guys I love off of those it keeps me motivated and it makes me think 'do it for THEM' im serious im like that c:


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I was gone for so long! I apologise for the long wait but I couldn't get it right and I kept rewriting this chapter until it was satisfactory. It isn't my best so I'm sorry in advance.
> 
> Also, I did NOT fuck with Lafayette's pronouns, okay? Lafayette uses he pronouns here. Maybe I'll make a subplot about the whole pronouns but idk I'm sorry!  
> But I support other users making Lafayette genderfluid or non-binary! I just think that it wouldn't fit here.  
> But I can always change my mind! Who knows? (actually I will Laf's gender is going to be a subplot)

Lafayette. His roommate is Gilbert de fucking marquis Lafayette.

It's a strange idea that his roommate was his friend so many years ago (approximately two hundred fifty years ago) and that he's back. John wonders how many more people he'll meet. Dear Lord, he prays, he doesn't meet Charles Lee.

The young man who stands in his-maybe their living room has his hair in a tight bun and smiles at him like he's the best thing he's ever seen (maybe he is; John doesn't know what he's thinking of.) There's a stubble on his chin but he somehow still looks neat. Maybe it's because his clothes look implacable, expensive and has this kind of model look to his clothes. There's a shine in his eyes that reminds John so much of the Marquis he thinks that it's got to be him. It has to be him because who else smiles at him like they know something he doesn't? Only Lafayette does that.

“Laurens? Ha! I knew it was you!” The man clasps his hands. “That's cool!”

“Lafayette? Holy shit! Wow,” John whistles. “You look great.”

“And you are handsome this time! I am just joking.” Lafayette crosses the room to hug him. “How are you, mon ami?”

“As good as a reincarnate can be. How are you? Met anyone else yet?” John asks.

“Oh, I'm fine. I have a father this time,” Lafayette beams. “I would compare him to Washington but my father is not as scary as the General of Mount Vernon.”

“Washington's also back, you know?” John says. “I’ve already seen him around.”

“Ah, oui! I have not been able to contact him but I know he is alive. Could we go see him later, Laurens? I would like to see him.”

“Professor Washington,” John watches Lafayette’s eyebrows shoot up and desperately wants to tease him but continues nevertheless. “Is on probation but I’ll give you his number to save you the trouble of phoning the government for his number.”

“Merci. You are a good friend, John.” Lafayette throws his arm around John’s shoulder. “What would I ever do without you?” At that, Lafayette dramatically places his hand on the top his forehead and bats his eyes at him.

John pushes Lafayette away, grinning. “You would die, princess. Well, I have to fix my things before I go to class-"

“No! Alex has given me strict instructions not to let you go to classes today. He says you have not slept in a week,” Lafayette shakes his head emphatically. “That is wrong, Laurens! Do you understand how bad that is?”

“Alex told-well, I'm still going to class. I have so much stuff-”

“You sound so much like Alexander. Laurens, take a break,” Lafayette leads him to the kitchen and makes him sit down. “Even after all these years, I must remind you to eat. If Alexander were here, I'd also have to remind him to eat!”

While Lafayette turned his back to heat the chicken and the soup, John turns around and rests his chin on the chair.

“Don't you think Alexander is back? Don't you think of Alex as Hamilton?” John asks.

“We didn't speak much but he seems very tired like our petit lion and also persistent,” Lafayette shrugs. “I do not know him yet so I cannot say much.”

“He told me I'd like you. Are you sure-”

“He just questioned me. I answered them and he seemed to be happy. It means I passed the test for being your roomie,” Lafayette says, setting a plate of chicken and a bowl soup before John. He leans on the counter and crosses his arms. “I think that's what he meant by he thinks I'm cool. But even if he isn't Alexander, he cares for you as much as Hamilton.”

“Hah. Maybe,” John stares at his soup before taking a sip from it. It's delicious and nothing like John had ever tasted before-it’s chicken soup but it tastes much more different from the normal chicken soup he’s ever had. It’s thicker and has a different kind of flavour to it; it’s good. It really is. It’s probably a dish from Puerto Rico-he wonders why his father never taught him how to cook; his late mother’s recipes were still in the attic.

“Hey, do you remember a Mulligan?” John asks, shooting up. Perhaps Lafayette knew him; all his Wikipedia page said was that he was a tailor and that he helped in the American Revolution by spying on the British.

“Yes. Hercules Mulligan; he was a tailor and he was a close friend of our petit lion. He basically housed him.” Lafayette scrunched his nose. “Why are you asking?”

“I met his descendant and he’s a friend of mine. His name is also Hercules but I don't really remember much about the Hercules Mulligan from our time.” John says. “Anyways, how are you on the other side of the pond?”

“It's okay. Well, you know it's okay when it comes to the status quo of us reincarnates. I always thank my parents for fighting for our rights,” his eyes sparkle as he says it and a small smile slips on his face. “They are good people.”

Frowning at Lafayette, John swallows his food and proceeds to question him. “What's your real name? Like, your name now.”

“Gilbert James Rousseau. You know my parents?” Lafayette actually looks surprised that John has to refrain himself from laughing; why the hell wouldn’t he know his parents? They’re practically heroes with reincarnates and were named the most influential people in the world.

With enthusiasm, John nods his head. “Your parents are basically heroes, Laf. France was the first country to declare rights for reincarnates thanks to them. I’ve looked up to them since I was a kid!” John nearly stands up but restrains himself, knowing Lafayette would probably scold him. Even during the war, Lafayette would act like the most mature one in their little trio and it seems like that nothing has changed. “Thanks to them, there are at least seventeen other countries who have rights for reincarnates.”

“It's not much,” Lafayette retorts.

“Better than none,” John argues.

“Oui, oui. That is true but let's try to make that at least eighteen countries.” Lafayette smiles brightly at John again and gives him a crumpled piece of paper that he took out from the pocket of his coat. “We're here to help America.”

There were several sentences on them-all of them in french but John could understand what they all meant. Some were long, some were short, some even just ten words long but it was basically the same message written in different versions, paraphrased and polished.

_We will help America in the battle for the rights of reincarnates. We will be representing you all very soon. -The Rousseau family._

On the bottom of the piece of paper, scribbled in a much neater hand, was a note for Lafayette himself. With a snicker, John reads the note from Lafayette’s new mother before Lafayette can take the scrap of paper away from his eyes.

_Behave, Gilbert. If you punch someone there in your first day, we will bring you back to France. Do not cause any trouble -Mother_

Although Lafayette was giving him the biggest glare John’s ever seen, John can’t help but laugh. The mere message of his mother actually reprimanding Lafayette was already hilarious but there was something else that caused John to laugh like an absolute maniac.

“What? What's so funny?” He demands.

John rolls his eyes. “You hate Gilbert. You hate using that name.” He says. “Let me copy you... ‘Do not ever call me Gilbert! I would rather die at the hands of the British than be called Gilbert!’”

A trace of pink appears on the cheeks of Lafayette but he just rolls his eyes and flips John off. “That was before I got used to Gilbert in this life. It’s not my fault my dear parents decided to call me Gilbert-but pour l’amour de Dieu, please call me Lafayette. Only my parents and childhood friends can call me Gilbert.”

John takes another bite from his chicken and makes a mental note to thank Alex for cooking him a meal. “Okay, Gilbert-no, I’m just joking. I’ll call you Laf.”

“Yes, that’s fine. Now, enjoy your meal, mon ami! I must fix my clothes-but I will be back! I have so much to tell you, Laurens. I miss you, you know?” The words send John a warm buzz, the kind of feeling you get when someone compliments you and you feel proud.

John smiles at him. “Me too.”

It's not a lie.

* * *

 

John is twenty minutes late when he enters Starbucks, in distress and disarray. After scanning the crowd for Alex, he seems him, seated in the corner already helping himself to a cup of coffee.

Even from afar, John can tell that he's burnt-out. There are dark circles under his brown eyes and his brows are furrowed together like he's thinking of complicated mathematical equations. Another hint is that the coffee he's currently drinking clearly isn't his first-there are two more cups on his table and a chocolate muffin that looks delicious. He hopes Alex gives it to him.

John walks towards his table as stands before him, watching Alex's hands fly across his keyboard. If he's being honest, Alex looks extremely cute with his hair in a bun and an oversized grey sweater that seems like it could swallow Alex's entire body. A strange feeling of longing inside of John rises in him; longing for the love of Alexander and the longing for his embrace.

“Hey,” John says, shifting his weight to his left foot.

He watches Alex look up in surprise when he hears him but the surprise on Alex's face quickly disappears and a smile takes its place. It's not forced but it isn't exactly warm too; it's just a smile.

“Hi, John. I already ordered three cups of coffee and I also got a chocolate muffin-I don't even like muffins so I guess you can have it if you want it,” Alex rambles. “But you can go order-”

“It's okay, Alex. I like chocolate muffins,” John takes a seat across him and grabs the muffin to take a bite out of it. “Really.”

Silence settles over them and it’s obvious both of them wants to speak. John wants to open his mouth, say something more to Alex but his mind is blank. What does he say to Alex? He catches Alex open his mouth several times but close it after a hesitant moment; it seems like he's in the same dilemma. That lasts for two minutes until Alex finally speaks up.

“I’m sorry. That was a terrible move, what I did. I shouldn’t have said that,” Alex says, looking down. “It was unnecessary and I should’ve apologised immediately. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, Alex. I should also focus on my present life, right? I should be thankful for what I have now,” John says. “I’m a dick too.”

Grimacing, Alex shakes his head. “No. You were telling me some personal things and I just snapped at you. You’re not terrible for wanting to tell me something that’s private and something I should’ve understood.” Alex looks to the side. “Do you forgive me?”

The look on Alex’s face was enough to make John want to leap to his side, take his hands and say everything is forgiven. But acknowledging the boundaries that were still present in their relationship, all John did was smile and nod. As Alex’s eyes brighten up, John feels his heartbeat jump to the heart rate of a fly-in other words, his heartbeat accelerated. All feelings for Alex is still there and dear God, John just wants to cross the boundary and tell him everything. The only problem is that is Alex doesn’t remember.

“You’re my friend, Alex. Of course, I do; I’m not holding any grudges against you just for that,” John punches Alex’s arm lightly across the table. “You made me an awesome meal.”

“It’s not that good. You didn’t have all the ingredients for a proper Caribbean style meal.”

“Shame. It was still a pretty damn good meal,” John says.

Resuming his work on his laptop, Alex’s eyes furrow. “So, your essays? And your speech-how are they?” He asks, not taking his eyes off his screen.

“You finished the essays Alex-but I had to cut a few words here and there. It was a bit too long.” John scratches the back of his neck. “And I kept the speech as it was. I trust your judgement, Alexander.”

Blinking, Alex looks up from his laptop and gives him a curious look. “You don’t really call me Alexander as far as I remember. Why?” He asks.

_Because you could be Alexander Hamilton and maybe you aren’t and it always hurt to say his name with you because of that possibility you aren’t him._ John thinks.

But instead of saying that, he says: “I don’t know. I just prefer Alex,” John shrugs as casually as he can and looks down. “Alexander is too long anyways.”

John hears Alex scoff. “Your roommate’s name is Lafayette. That’s a long name,” he argues.

“I call him Laf.”

Alex hands him over his laptop where the Wikipedia page of _Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette_ was shown on the screen. “That’s your roommate, isn’t he?” Alex smiles. “You get to meet Washington and now, Lafayette! Who else are you going to meet now?”

The smile on Alex’s face absolutely kills John because it’s the same smile Alexander would give him after a successful mission or when they were alone, strolling around the camp when it was peaceful and the night was slowly turning to day. It hurts to see it now because it reminds him so much of Alexander and the days they had together.

“I would kill to meet Hamilton,” John says, looking at Alex’s face for any  sign of recognition. “He is a friend that I have never expected to meet yet he is my friend. I miss him a lot.”

It’s just a moment but something flashes in Alex’s eyes. Perhaps he’s starting to remember but he doesn’t know it yet. Maybe those words triggered something-he did use those exact same words when he made an impromptu speech for his wedding.

Finally, Alex speaks. “John? Did you like Hamilton?” He asks.

Blinking, John stares at Alex in confusion. Where the hell did that question come from? Maybe he’s been on the archive again. He’s always asked something similar to it but this question sounds much more serious. There are no sex jokes, no eyebrow waggles or innuendos accompanied with it-it’s just a straightforward question.

“I... yes. I do,” John says, looking down. There’s no point in lying to him, is there? “But we never had an affair. We were just friends who fought in the war. I’m pretty sure that the flirtations in his letters were just jokes-I was the one who started it and he just played along.”

“Oh. But if you ever met Hamilton ever again, do you think you would... take the initiative to ask him out or something since we’re in the modern world? I’m just curious.”

“Wow,” John leans on his chair. “I don’t know, Alex. For all I know, he could be heterosexual. But I guess I’d try. I love him.”

Casting his eyes down, Alex sighs. “You’re not over him, are you?” He asks.

“I don’t think I am. He’s the best thing to ever happen to me, Alex,” John says. “He was always there for me but he couldn’t offer me the one thing I always wanted.”

“His love.” Somehow, Alex looks dejected but John doesn’t dwell on it.

“I... I have to go, John. I’m supposed to pass something to Professor Ford,” Alex shoves his laptop in his bag and stands up, his head still down. “I’m glad we made up.”

“Me too, Alex,” John stands up as well and smiles.

“Goodbye.” The voice of Alex sounds strangled but before John could ask him if he was okay, Alex already left the establishment.

* * *

 

“I don’t understand! He just left and-”

Lafayette waves his hand. “John, you are the biggest idiot ever-and also a pathetic one! Your love over a dead, white guy is blocking your opportunities at happiness!” He argues. “No, do not give me that look-I have read your saucy correspondents with our petit lion and I am perfectly fine with it.”

“Can I just take those letters back? It’s an invasion of privacy. Anyone can read my private letters now, I guess!” John throws himself on the couch next to Lafayette who’s reviewing something on his MacBook-the rich asshole. Everything he owns is practically the most high-end gadgets and he owns three phones-all of them the latest iPhones mind you.

“Okay, but my point is that Alex might like you! And you’re there lamenting about your one-sided love with Hamilton. He might not be Alexander, Laurens. What if he isn’t Hamilton, Laurens? Will you just leave him? He is everything-as far as I know-you need and want. He is like Alexander but he isn’t at the same time, John. I think you should just accept that.”

“But... but I feel like he’s-”

“When will you understand that you can’t take everyone back from the dead. I think Hamilton’s work here is done, John,” Lafayette places his laptop on the coffee table and sighs. “I was like you too, John. I met this girl and she is so much like my Adrienne, my beloved wife but she is not. I broke her heart in the end and I am alone once more. She was and still is the closest thing I ever got to seeing mon amour and I blew it. She was always there for me and she loved me too. But I wished her so hard to be my Adrienne because she was so much like her but she isn’t. I should’ve just accepted her as who she is because I regret it. Je l'ai aimée, John but I was so caught up in the feelings for Adrienne. Do not make the same mistakes as I did. Il suffit de prendre lui comme il est.”

“But... doesn’t that make him just like a rebound?” John says. “I think that’s a bit unfair.”

“I do not think that they are rebounds for our past lovers. We just have ‘types.’ If they like you and you too like them, I don’t think that they are rebounds as you say. Just make sure you truly like them.” Lafayette takes a long sip his beer and passes it to John. “I think Alex cares for you very much.”

John takes a swig from the beer and looks at Lafayette, realisation dawning on him. Dear God, he’s the biggest asshole ever. “I fucked up, didn’t I? Alex probably likes me and I told him that I’m not over Hamilton. It’s like those stupid, cliché movies where the best friend is stuck listening to his best friend talking about their crush when their best friend likes them! Oh my God, I’m the best friend who keeps talking about the crush to their best friend!”

“Yes. Except, there’s a possibility that here, Alex might as well be the crush the best friend is talking about,” Lafayette says.

“Oh God, that’s even worse.” John leans on Lafayette’s shoulder. “Why is everything so complicated?”

“Because life is complicated. It’s simply that way,” Lafayette wraps his arm around John. “If there were no challenges in life, we would not be the people we are today and be replicas of each other.”

“Okay, what is your course in college? Because you’re going all philosophical with me and I’m guessing you’re majoring in philosophy.”

“That is a secret, Laurens. I’ll let you dance around in confusion first,” Lafayette says. “I am an enigma.” Lafayette throws a blanket over himself (where the fuck did he get the blanket?) and wiggles his fingers in attempt to look mysterious.

“You are the biggest loser ever, has anyone told you that?”John takes the blanket from Lafayette and throws it over themselves.

“Yes, and you’re still the biggest idiot ever. Now, rest. I have a feeling you are going back to your classes tomorrow and I cannot do anything about that,” Lafayette says. “Am I right?”

“You know me so well,” John pecks Lafayette’s cheek and ignores the scowl on Lafayette’s face. “We must be soulmates!”

“Alexander is your soulmate, Laurens and Adrienne is mine.” Lafayette looks down, his face crumpling. “I miss her so much.”

After a few moments, John smiles through the tears that fell from his eyes.

"Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations:
> 
> mon ami = my friend  
> Il suffit de prendre lui comme il est = just take him as he is
> 
> Okay, I have three questions/favours for you all!
> 
> One! Please take [this](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1IGZ3h6oS7fx6KLrjTDbnTxzsnAmQa4TDJwvPxr9e_CE/viewform) survey or form or whatever. I'm thinking about making an original story where it's set in the Our Narrative universe. It'll have totally different characters and different kind of problems-but the major issue still being reincarnate discrimination. You can tell me there if you support the idea or not.
> 
> Two! Do you want Hamilton to still be a thing here? I mean, they're reincarnates. Whatever happened to them still exists and is documented. Ron Chernow exists and LMM too. If yes, I could make a chapter or a oneshot about it.
> 
> Three! Who wants to be my beta reader? I am still searching for an accomplice oh my god I'm drowning here pls


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK!! ok but srsly i am so sorry for making you all wait so long! It's just that family stuff happened and everything was so hectic. I hope you all forgive me.  
> Well, this is the longest chapter so far with 4600+ words! I'm proud ok guys? It took a loooong time to make this.
> 
> kudos to puffin for beta reading this :)
> 
> ALSO CHECK OUT THE NEW TAGS I ADDED !! i hope you guys know what those tags mean :))

Stepping out of the cab, John looks up at his house with a small smile and looks back at his friends who are gazing at his eyes with wide eyes. Even Lafayette is impressed, crossing his arms and looking at the house with interest.

“Man, I thought you said your house is small. This is not small. This is a small mansion with a giant garden!” Hercules says, taking a few steps closer to the gate. Turning back to John, he frowns. “Please don’t tell me you have another house that’s bigger than this.”

Smiling, John unlocks the gate with his keys and pushes it open and slowly, his friends walk in. “This is our only house, I’m afraid. But I have friends around town who have bigger houses.” He says, picking his bags again. “They have indoor swimming pools and libraries with books that I think are only there for display.”

“That’s just a waste of money! I’m willing to bet they got that money from their deceased great-great-great grandparents or something,” Alex says, walking past John while re-tying his bun.

“We’re made from old money too, Alex. This house belonged to our great grandparents but my Dad just renovated it so it looks new.” John locks the gate once again and catches up with his friends.

“Mon Dieu, I feel like I’m meeting my partner’s family or something. Do I look presentable enough? Please tell me your family are not the type of people who judges people right away with clothes,” Lafayette says, brushing invisible crumbs his navy blue coat and tugs on the hem of his shirt. “I’d die if they do that.”

“Only Edi does that so you’re fine,” John says.

“Besides, you look rich as always, man,” Hercules says. “And you have a great taste for clothes too.”

“Merci, Hercules. I am so glad that John introduced me to you!” Lafayette says, leaning on Hercules body. “You are such a great friend. Have I already mentioned that, _je t’aime_?”

As the two laugh, John remembers the first time he introduced Lafayette to Hercules. Hercules was designing a bunch of clothes when John brought Lafayette to the Mulligan household. Unfortunately, Alex wasn’t there because he had a class at that time of day. When Lafayette noticed that Hercules was designing a dress, he gave suggestions with which Hercules incorporated into to his designs, and slowly, the conversation shifted from designing to their personal lives.

Turning to Alex, John notices he stopped in front a flower bush with a solemn look on his face. Approaching him, he asks if he’s okay and Alex just brushes it off.

“I just... is it _really_ okay for us to be here?” Alex asks.

“Of course it is. I want my best friends to be here,” John tries to give Alex a smile but he feels like it turned into a grimace. “It’ll be comforting.”

“Of course. You know, we’re-”

“Holy shit, Hercules! Look at those flowers!”

While Lafayette ran to admire the blue flowers he’d spotted, Hercules walked carefully to them with wide eyes. John can almost see the gears turning in his head.

“Seems like I found the solution to my design! Can I pick some, John?” Hercules asks, though Lafayette is already picking a flower in the background.

“Sure, whatever,” John says with a shrug.

“What sort of flowers are these, mon ami? I want some planted in my garden in France!” Lafayette says, placing the light blue flower on the side of his ear. “They _sont trés beau_!”

“I don’t know. Ask my mom, she’d know,” John then blinks, and he looks down.

The others look around uncomfortably, with pitiful faces, or just sad ones. In order to avoid those, John walks again, but this time in a brisker pace. As he passes the little decorative fountain they have, he hears a snidbit of his three friends’ conversation.

“... would’ve ended up wearing the first thing he sees when he wakes up,” Hercules says.  “Dude’s a literal walking fashion disaster.”

John turns around just in time to see Alex take off his jacket, allowing him to admire his figure. “Very funny. It’s not my fault I’m too poor to afford your ‘ _fancy_ branded clothes’. I can barely afford the books I need to be a lawyer.” Alex grumbles, adjusting the collar of his black button up. “But this is like practice for form, I guess. Wear the nicest close you can find in your room with the help of a friend and walk in like-”

Lafayette pumps his fist through the air, cutting Alex off. “ _Like a total boss!_ ”

“No, I meant to say an assassin ready to kick everyone’s ass but that works too.”

John tears his gaze away from Alex and rolls his eyes. “I don’t understand why you guys wore such nice clothes. It’s just… you’re just gonna meet my family.”

“First impressions are important, mon ami. They last forever,” Lafayette says, leaning a bit too close to John, almost making him trip.

Luckily for him, a hand squeezes his shoulder to balance him. With a smile Alex sprints ahead of John  to the front door, and yells at them to ‘hurry the fuck up’ with mirth in his eyes. Catching up with Alex, John takes his keys from his pocket and opens the door, though he does it while looking at Alex’s eyes.

It’s almost a tender moment but it’s broken when a pair of arms bring him closer to a much smaller body, John picks the body up,swinging Martha around, laughing.

“Oh my God, John! I missed you so much!” Martha says as he puts her back down on the ground. “It’s such a mess here when you’re gone. The two are acting like children.”

“They are children. You’re also a child. I’m like two hundred years old!” John exclaims. Then he turns around and motions the trio to move forward.

“These are my friends. Don’t bite.” John warns as she takes a few step closer to Lafayette.

“You’re… you’re so fucking tall!”

Immediately, John, Alex and Hercules simultaneously laugh together. Lafayette ignores them and grins at Martha. “Oui. Je suis grand-oh, I’m sorry. I switch to my native language sometimes,” Lafayette says with an apologetic face.

“No, it’s okay. I’ve been studying french, so I can understand you.” Martha smiles and tilts her head at him. “Jesus, I still can’t get over the fact that you’re so tall. I’m like, five three!”

Lafayette only laughs and Martha moves to shake hands with Hercules who smiles her with such a sweet face that makes John want to snap a picture of because he suddenly looks small, which is strange to say, since Hercules is usually an intimidating man who looks like he’ll yell at everyone in the room if they do one shitty thing.

“I’m Hercules Mulligan. You’re John’s sister,” he says.

“Yep. I hope he says good things about me,” Martha says, she gives John a dark side glance. “If not, I’ll kill him.”

“He does. He told me you’re great at science and that you want to go to MIT.” Hercules says.

“Yep. Well, I’ll see you around, Hercules!” Martha says. “Gotta meet that guy with the really nice shirt.”

With a smirk, Hercules nods and Martha approaches Alex with tentative steps.

“Hi. You must be Alexander, am I right?” She says.

Alex slowly nods and after one second, he’s engulfed by a hug. With a frown, John raises his eyebrow while both Lafayette and Hercules give him a questioning look. He shrugs-he doesn’t know what’s going on.

“You make my brother happy. Thank you,” she says in a soft voice that John would’ve missed if he wasn’t listening so carefully.

“I... of course. Your brother makes me happy too.” Alex looks at John with a hint of a smile on his lips. Carefully, he extracts himself from Martha’s girlish pair of arms and grins lazily at them. It makes John’s heart skip a beat-fuck, he’s cute, and he’s doing that thing that Hamilton did when he came to John’s little tent with a bottle of alcohol.

“Shall we go?” John offers, tilting his head towards the grand stairs.

“Oui, oui. I am tired from that flight. Lead the way, madame Lawrence,” Lafayette says.

Twenty minutes later, they’ve all settled down into their rooms. Lafayette and Hercules decided to share a room because of unknown reasons (“I bet you fifteen dollars that they’re banging.” “Alex, _no_.”) while Alex chose the room that was closest to John’s room though John insisted that Alex stays in his room.

“No thanks, John. I’ll be fine in this lovely room,” Alex says, leaning on the spare room’s door frame. “It’s bigger than the bedroom in my apartment.”

“You sleep more in the Mulligan household than in your apartment, Alex.” John points out.

“Okay, yeah. But my point is that this room is probably worth ten times more than the shitty apartment I rent. In fact, I think I have to get a second job!” Alex stands straight and looks at John with disappointment. “Being an accountant for the Mulligan’s isn’t actually going to support me. I think I’ll find a job uptown.”

Crossing his arms, John frowns at Alex. “The Mulligan’s pay you eight dollars an hour. What’s bothering you?” He asks.

“Nothing. It’s just… the books are really expensive, and I don’t want to borrow money from the government. Student loans will send me to hell, John and I’m already lucky I got a scholarship. Did I mention that I got sick so I had to go to a doctor? Medicine is also expensive and- the pay is great, really, but I need _more_.”

“The scholarship doesn’t pay for your books?” John asks.

“No, it’s just the tuition. And I’m lucky they still accepted me even though I came in a bit late. They usually take those scholarships away if you don’t come in time.” Alex explains.

“I could give you money, you know? I’m filthy rich and-”

Alex shakes his head in dismay. “I don’t accept charity, John. I have to earn the money.” He says.

“But- okay. I understand. Just… just tell me if you ever need some help, okay?” John places his hands on Alex’s shoulders and feels like his heart is about to explode, because their noses are so close, they could be touching.

“John?” Alex asks.

“Yeah?”

“I... I… thank you,” Alex steps backward and looks at the ground. “I gotta go.”

The door closes as soon as Alex steps inside the guest room and John groans, and rubs his forehead. They were so close, so close from their lips brushing against each other. If _only_ John took the chance and leaned in. No. If only Alex said something more… romantic, maybe? He doesn’t know; he was only waiting for Alex to confirm.

With a heavy heart, John walks back to his room only to find Hercules sitting on his bed, reading John’s copy of Les Misérables. Immediately, Hercules looks up and sets the book down and smiles at John though in his eyes, he looks tired.

“Hey, John. I just thought that I should talk to you about something.” Hercules says.

“Shoot.” John answers, sitting down beside him.

“It’s about you and Alex... Your relationship with him.”

Feeling his cheeks burn, John looks down, shaking his head. “It’s not something I want to talk about.”

“Hear me out.”

“Fine.”

Nodding, Hercules closes his eyes. “The day you two went out to go for a coffee, he came home crying.”

John looks up in question and guilt.

“He was crying because of you, John,” Hercules says. “And he was saying something about you still loving some dead, white dude who founded America. So I searched it up, and really? Are you fucking with me?”

Ignoring his annoyance that Hercules might have found something too personal, John defends himself. “Alex might be him, okay? Can’t I be hopeful?” John protests. “They’re really similar, alright?”

“What if he isn’t your Alexander, John? Okay, look-Alexander Hamillo _isn’t_ Alexander Hamilton. here are only a few similarities that they share but, they’re the best things you remember about Hamilton. Even if you don’t think it’s him when you see him. Would you still be interested in Alex?”

Blinking, John stared at Hercules with wide eyes. What the hell is he supposed to say? Yes? That’d be too fake, no. And they’d both know it was fake, too. No? Definitely not. That’s not an option. How about maybe?

“I don’t know, Hercules. Maybe,” John says. “It’s complicated.”

“It isn’t. And I’m going to tell you this right now,” Hercules takes a deep breath. “Alex finally took the test because of college and all. Puerto Rico doesn’t give out tests because it doesn’t really matter over there. He isn’t a reincarnate.”

Feeling his heart sink, John holds his left hand in his right and nods at Hercules to continue.

“He’s just really smart- he answered most of the questions from history correctly, but his brain scan didn’t show the underlying brain waves.”

“Alex isn’t a reincarnate.” John says it so softly, he’s pretty sure Hercules didn’t hear it.

“I’m sorry. But for both of your sakes, do _not_ date him just because of Alexander Hamilton. Alex may seem like a tough person but he’s gone through so much shit, okay? And this isn’t fair.”

Hercules stands up and leaves his room with a straight face. Sighing, John falls down on his bed and re-evaluates his entire life.

* * *

 

“Nice to meet you, sir.”

John watches Alex shake hands with his father with a warm smile. He notices that Alex’s eyes only crinkle when he laughs. Who knew?

“It’s nice to meet you too, Alexander.” John’s father turns to all of his friends and smiles. “I’m very grateful that you have all decided to come here and support my son while we’re going through this.”

“Anything for your son, sir,” Lafayette answers.

“He’s a good friend. He shouldn’t be alone- and neither should the rest of your family be, sir,” Hercules adds.

“Our friends and relatives are dropping by tomorrow. Today, it’s just us. You can pay your respects tomorrow, with the others.” Paul says.

Nudging John’s shoulder, Lafayette keeps his eyes on Paul, his mouth slightly open in awe. “How _old_ is she?” He asks.

“She’s fifteen,” John says, as if Lafayette should have known that already.

“Fifteen? She’s a fucking giant! And why do you call her, Paul? Am I missing something?” He asks.

“Oh yeah! Hey, Paul? Shouldn’t you explain your name? Everyone’s confused.” John asks.

Paul immediately perks up. “Oh yeah! There’s this girl who I really hate. Her name is Lin and I _cannot_ use that nickname, since my name is Pauline. Pauline is way too long, so I chose, Paul,” she says. “Besides, who says it’s a boy’s name? It doesn’t matter.”

“Is your family full of liberals? I like your family,” Alex says. “And that thing where your father decided to be a Republican and betray the Republicans on his second day is fucking amazing! It was just a hoax all along and I love it.”

“It’s a trick. I mean, yes people hated us and all, but after that second day, we were practically heroes. Didn’t you see buzzfeed?” He asks.

“I don’t touch buzzfeed unless it’s those editorials. I hate their articles- it’s literally just gifs and random shit. There isn’t any content at all!” Alex complains.

Looking away from her conversation with Hercules, Edith frowns. “ _I_ like buzzfeed!” She says, crossing her arms.

“Sorry. I won’t condemn the people who do like it,” Alex says.

“John, do you have a boyfriend now?” Paul asks, twirling her brown hair around her fingers. “Because I demand to see that you have a love life.”

“That’s none of your business,” John says. “But, if you must know, I’m single.”

Quickly, Edi, Martha and Paul boo at him, while their father just looks on amused at the  situation. With a sigh, John turns his back on his siblings, and regroups with his friends who are rolling their eyes- which actually means Hercules and Lafayette; while Alex is just smiling, oblivious to the actions of his other friends.

“Your family is amazing, John. I demand that you share them with us.” Lafayette says.

“Take them. I’ll give you Martha, Alex can take Paul, and Hercules can take Edi because they can talk about fashion together,” John says dryly. “But I’ll keep dad. He’s cool.”

“I have to ask though,” Hercules says. “Are Paul and Edi-”

“We’re only step-siblings. Martha is my biological sister, but Pauline and Edith are my real siblings too. We don’t really care about the labels, since we get along really well,” John says.

“Hey, can you show us around town or something?” Alex asks. “Man, I really want to find those shitty confederalist flags and just take them down.”

“Oh, we do that sometimes- in rallies. We just take them down, hide them somewhere but, some people replace their flags. I hate those people,” John says. “These people sometimes, just- they don’t like me for my heritage. It’s pretty crappy.”

“Well, I still want to see the town. Is there a rally today, mon étonnant ami? I want to kick ass.” Lafayette crosses his arms and pulls on a scarf from who knows where. Seriously, the guy can practically pull anything out from nowhere. No one questions it though- is John the only one who doesn’t see where it comes from?

“I don’t think so... I’ll have to check.” John takes his phone out, and opens his Skype app to go to the ‘Les Amis’ group chat. He hasn’t opened it in a while, so there are over three hundred unread messages.

**Marius-Laurens**

_Yo are there any rallies today?_

**Courfeyrac-Skylar**

_Ya there's one just three blocks away from the elephant_

_also_

_WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN????_

**Enjolras-Johnson**

_Welcome back Marius_

_Have you been_

_Stalking someone_

_And though their name was_

_Ursula_

**Marius-Laurens**

_Very funny Chris_

_College sucks_

**Jehan-Grey**

_GUYS I REMEMBERED SOMETHING JESUS CHRIST DO I HAVE A STORY TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE FIFTEENTH PRESIDENT_

_oh hey John what's up_

**Marius-Laurens**

_I'm fine_

_Well I gtg my friends and I are going to join that rally_

**Courfeyrac-Skylar**

_Be careful! The rallies about diversity and something._

_Oh wait!_

**Marius-Laurens**

_Why?_

**Courfeyrac-Skylar**

_They’re arresting people now since it got messy. Don’t go there, John._

_Usually I wouldn’t really care but your friends are with you so do something else_

**Jehan-Grey**

_Walk around town then! Bring them to the cafe_

_Tell me one of them is interested in chicks_

**Marius-Laurens**

_Yes??_

**Jehan-Grey**

_Go to the cafe_

_There’s a girl there named Penny and she’s really cute._

**Enjolras-Johnson**

_Why don’t you take here then?_

**Jehan-Grey**

_She’s cute but I have my eyes on another_

**Marius-Laurens**

_I am hungry anyways_

_k bye_

**Jehan-Grey**

_Tell us about it !!_

John shoves his phone back into the pocket of his jeans and looks back at them. “The rally got a bit dangerous so let’s go eat instead. I’m a bit hungry, aren’t you guys?” He asks.

Alex nods. “Sure. Let me just grab my wallet-”

“You’re not paying. I’ll pay for our meals since you’re my guest.” John says.

“You already paid for my plane ticket, John. I can pay for my own meals, okay? I don’t accept charity.” Alex says, looking down and John’s memories flash back to the time he offered to pay the bill for Alexander. “I survived well enough without it since I was young.”

“ _Though I am struggling financially, Laurens, I cannot accept the kindness you are showing me. I can do well by myself.” Alexander said, slamming the money on the table. “How do you think is survived all those years alone?”_

Backing away, John nods and Alex calmly walks up the staircase to fetch his wallet. Groaning, John shakes head, but quickly straightens up when he notices Lafayette and Hercules staring at him with a look John can’t really decipher.

“What?” He asks.

“You remembered _him_ , didn’t you?” Lafayette asks softly. “Is Alex so similar to mon petit lion?”

Suddenly feeling tired, John slouches and nods. “It’s just that... they’re so similar, you know? I want to... but I see him so I can’t. I don’t even want him to remember anymore because- Alex deserves better. He deserves much better.” John runs his hand through his hair and sighs. “He’s like... a rebound.”

“Hey. My brother was a reincarnate and he faced the same thing. They ended up being happy even when he told her about his family,” Hercules comments. “You should still go after him, John. He’s a great kid.”

“Listen to romance guru; Hercules Mulligan! But seriously John, I understand now that yes- Alex is so fucking similar to Hamilton, but I think you should just go get him. I mean, you’ve already been given a second chance,” Lafayette says. “It’s best to take it.”

“It’s just-”

“I’m back!” Alex jumps on the railway and slides down- actually _slides_ down on it. As he jumps off, John shakes his head in amusement.

“Christ, Alex. Do you know how much I want to do that? You’re so unfair,” John admits, taking Alex’s wrist. “Let’s go!”

After a quick ten minute drive to the cafe, they pile out of the cab,John pays the taxi driver after giving Lafayette a glare for trying to do what John felt so inclined to. Dear Lord, all his friends are hot headed- well, maybe except for Hercules. He isn’t sure yet and heaven knows he doesn’t want to know.

“Man, I am hungry. Do you think they’re still serving pancakes? I like pancakes,” Lafayette says in an absentminded tone. “They’re very good.”

Shrugging, John goes ahead and opens the door for them. After the ‘ _much awaited’_ gentleman jokes from the three, John follows them inside and sits down at the table Lafayette chose for them.

A waitress about Martha’s age approaches their table, already holding her notepad and pencil. John has to admit, she’s pretty cute, which leads him to wonder if she’s the pretty girl in the cafe that Grey told him about. “Hey. So what can I get you four?” She asks, and it almost- _almost_ startles him that she doesn’t have a southern accent. No one tries to hide their accent when they’re in the south.

After John tells her his order, he looks at her closely. Considering that John’s very gay and doesn’t mind women much, he can say that this girl could probably make his head turn if he’s distracted. She isn’t a vixen, or the ‘ideal woman’ with curves- she’s a bit chubby, with full pink cheeks which makes her prettier. There are light freckles on her cheeks and her curly hair is tied up in some sort of messy ponytail.

In short, John is actually quite interested in the girl, because she seems like a nice person.

With a soft smile she nods while re-reading their orders. “Okay. Give us a few minutes and I’ll be back with your orders.” She turns to walk away but stops and gives John an unimpressed look. “I saw you staring. Try to be less obvious next time.”

In shock, John blurts out, “I’m gay.”

Standing straight, the girl only laughs softly and nods. “‘kay then. See ya.” And she’s gone.

Shaking his head, Alex lets out a feral grin at John. “Man, that girl just seems so cool. I want to be her friend,” Alex says. “I think I’ll ask for her number later.”

“In a friendly way?” John asks.

Alex nods. “Jealous?” He teases, leaning forward so that their noses are extremely close to touching.

Gulping, John leans on his chair and shakes his head. _God, we were this close from kissing. Damn. I should’ve kissed him. I want to kiss him._

Suddenly, the establishment is filled with the sound of a girl crying. Turning their heads, they see two girls fighting. A girl in blue has tears running down her cheeks, while a the girl in purple scowls at her.

“... didn’t get an A? I thought you Asian people are supposed to be smart!” The girl in purple exclaims. “We relied on you, Elizabeth! Mother of God, we got a C! I would’ve been okay if it was a B plus but we got a C. Are you like, some kind of retarded Chinese?”

Standing up, John approaches the two girls and taps the girl in purple’s shoulder.

“Yes?” She asks. Of course she sounds pissed but she has a smile on her lips upon seeing John, which makes him conclude that this girl is a massive suck up.

“The girl’s already crying. You don’t have to yell at her anymore- you shouldn’t even be yelling at her in the first place.” John says in the most polite voice he can muster.

“But she didn’t do the project. We have a C now! And she’s Asian!” The girl says, ignoring the quiet sniffles of the other girl.

“First of all, that’s really racist. Second of all, it seems like you’re making her do all the work. Shouldn’t you two be working together or something?” John asks.

“Well yeah but she’s Asian so I figured-”

“Not all Asians have capability of being a super smart. And maybe she is smart but maybe she can’t handle it _alone_.” John says coldly. Facing the crying girl, he pats her back and directs her to their table. “You okay?”

“I... thank you. Lucy’s a fucking asshole,” she says bitterly looking up, she wipes her tears. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

“Nah. Wanna hang around?” John asks, glancing at the table where Alex, Hercules, and Lafayette are talking in hushed, but angry tones, probably just as mad as John was about that ‘Lucy’ girl.

“I don’t know.” She says, looking down.

“Come on. I’m not a creepy pedophile or something,” John jokes.

“I know. I’ve seen you before in some rallies and you always make great speeches. I think some are even impromptu,” she says. “You’re pretty great, Lawrence.”

“Don’t call me, Lawrence. You can call me, John,” he leads her to the table and lets her sit down in his seat. He grabs another seat, and drags it to sit at the head of the table, beside Alex and the girl.

“My name’s Elizabeth but most people just call me by my last name: Wu,” she says. “So call meWu.”

“Sure, Wu! Eh, don’t mind assholes like her. She kind of reminds me of my former friends,” Lafayette says. “They even have the same fashion sense!”

“The bright purple?” Wu asks incredulously.

“Exactly like that.” Lafayette shakes his head then grimaces. “Damn, I need to drink. Just thinking about it gives me a headache.”

They laugh and John opens his eyes to see Alex looking at Wu with some sort of adoration maybe. Suddenly, John feels sick and can’t move. No, he isn't going to faint and go on a trip to memory _lane. It’s just that he saw this before._

“ _Elizabeth Schuyler,”_

“ _A... Alexander Hamilton,” with a blush on his cheeks, Alexander takes her hand to kiss it but John notices that his eyes never leave the Schuyler’s eyes. In a single heartbeat, John understands that Elizabeth, the child of Philip Schuyler just took away the single person he loves._

Alex rests his cheek on his hand. “You know... you have pretty eyes.”

John definitely feels sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations:  
> je t'aime - I love you/I like you (for context, we're going to be using the latter)  
> mon étonnant ami - my friend  
> je suis grand - I am tall (do not mistake this for I am big!! The context is what matters!!)
> 
> To those of you who wanted the Schuyler sisters in it... IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT!??!?!?!??!?
> 
> Anyways, if you don't get it, John's step mom died! Wow, three moms dead because of some sickness. Poor John :(  
> And yes, that girl is the embodiment of TJeffs here. We'll see more of her-I promise. If you're wondering why Jefferson is a girl? Well it's because I can do that and besides thats not really TJeffs-OR IS IT  
> and dont worry! im still open to the idea of Alex Hamillo being Alexander Hamilton-you knw why? Because I can change shit and make up a shitty excuse to why Alex wasn't found out. But I could make it angstier by... :)
> 
> Okay, fan service time!! Tell me what you want in the comments and I'll do my best to put it in (because I'm kind jk jk jk)
> 
> Okay and one last thing to tackle... thank you all for answering the survey I put up! All eighteen of you lol anyways, I got your suggestions for the original story which I'll be working on this year during the breaks I get. I also got the Our Narrative suggestions and I'll do my best. Wow. Some of you really want oppression and angst in this story-DONT WORRY! It will come :) just ask some of my beta readers they know c:
> 
> also fill me in with some prompts through tumblr or on the comments! I get bored and I sometimes need something to write about because it calms me down. anyways, thanks for reading and don't forget to leave kudos or a comment or two!


	9. Chapter 9

**Marius-Laurens**

_So there's a party?_

_Who can I invite?_

**Jehan-Grey**

_Anyone tbh even if they're not reincarnates. They just need to know someone who's a reincarnate and they accept us reincarnates_

**Enjolras-Johnson**

_Gonna bring a boy over ;)_

**Courfeyrac-Skylar**

_John's soooo gonna get laid_

_ _

**Combeferre-Jevis**

_Really? John???_

**Marius-Laurens**

_I'm not getting laid ok guys I'm bringing my friends ok? Jesus_

_I think all of you guys are trying to find an Eponine and Cosette :/_

**Combeferre-Romero**

_We are_

__  


_LES AMIS IS LOOKING FOR TWO (2) PEOPLE WHO IDENTIFY AS WOMEN, SUPPORT WOMEN'S RIGHTS, LGBTQ+ RIGHTS, BLACK RIGHTS, REINCARNATE RIGHTS, DIVERSITY AND MANY MORE!_

_Contact xxx-xxxxxxxx if interested in joining our little revolution_

**Eponine-Ruiz**

_rude_

_Hey why dont the rest of u guys use ur former names_

_Aside from those who arent reincarnates obviously_

**Jehan-Grey**

_And use king?_

_No thanks that’s embarrassing ok_

**Enjolras-Johnson**

_No one knows ok_

_Literally_

_No one knows_

_ _

**Jehan-Grey**

_Shut up_

_Stop using memes_

_We all promised we wouldnt intrude on each other’s pasts_

Chris Johnson changed their nickname to Chris-Enjolras 

**Chris-Enjolras**

_Just realized that these are surnames lol_

**Marius-Laurens**

_LOSERS_  
  


**Large Baguette**

_Hey John_

**John Laurens (you)**

_Yes ?_

**Large Baguette**

_Your sister made me wear a skirt_

**John Laurens (you)**

A _re you okay about that? Did she force you to do it?_

_I mean there's nothing wrong with guys wearing skirts but did she like force you to do it?_

**Large Baguette**

_Relax John I was okay with it_

_It's just that_

_I liked_

_Wearing_

_It?_

_I am confused mon ami_

_I liked wearing it which made me think if I want to be a girl_

_But I don't want to be one_

_I just liked the skirt_

**John Laurens (you)**

_It's ok_

_You just like the skirt_

_You don't have to force yourself to use she pronouns Laf_

_Whatever you're comfortable with is what you should use_

_No one's forcing you_

**Large Baguette**

_Merci, John, vous êtes un véritable ami_

 

**A Hammy**

_Hey John_

**Laurens-Lawrence**

_Yah?_

**A Hammy**

_So like we're leaving in two days right?_

_We’re leaving the South?_

**Laurens-Lawrence**

_Yah our flight’s at eleven am :)_

**A Hammy**

_Don’t worry I knew that_

_I just wanted to ask you if you ever went your old house?_

_Like when you were Laurens_

**Laurens-Lawrence**

_Nah_

_I mean_

_I have no reasons to go back there :/_

_It's kinda weird to go back there since I'd just cry maybe ???_

**A Hammy**

_Bad memories?_

**Laurens-Lawrence**

_Well, of course there were bad memories but there were also good memories_

_I loved my family??_

_My father was mean and didn’t really like me not having any girlfriends but he was really proud of me when I did well I mean I confided in him abt the army and the war and he was good too he just had a lot of flaws but I don’t hold it against him_

_Okay maybe I do a bit_

_There were unnecessary threats like threatening to disown me_

_But in hindsight homosexuality was fucking weird back then unlike now and even I hated myself for it it wasn’t really an open thing yet like the abolition of slavery_

_My father was the kind of guy who followed the tide_

_But he was a massive asshole_

_Really big asshole_

_Biggest one ever_

**A Hammy**

_I’m confused about your relationship with Henry Laurens now_

**Laurens-Lawrence**

_Dont worry i am too_

 

**Unknown Number**

_John? This is Wu_

**John Laurens (you)**

_Oh hi Wu_

_How’d you get this number btw_

**Elizabeth Wu**

_Your friends gave me all of their numbers before we parted ways_

_I think Alex gave me your number_

_Yah it was Alex_

**John Laurens (you)**

_Oh_

_Anyways what do you need? Are you okay?_

**Elizabeth Wu**

_Yah I am_

_I just have a question_

_Have you ever met anyone named Nicka?_

**John Laurens (you)**

_No?_

**Elizabeth Wu**

_What college do you go to?_

**John Laurens (you)**

_The University of the King_

**Elizabeth Wu**

_If you attend rallies held by one of the groups there, you’ll probably meet her_

**John Laurens (you)**

_Are you trying to set me up with her?_

**Elizabeth Wu**

_Ew no_

_I thought you’re gay_

_She’s my friend from the north before I moved her :))_

_She should be in her final year by now_

_I just thought I should tell you since you like attending rallies and shit_

_She’s also pretty high in positions and stuff_

**John Laurens (you)**

_Thanks Wu_

_Are you going to study in UOK?_

**Elizabeth Wu**

_Nah_

_I’m going to Taiwan to study_

_Dad and Mom wants to return there_

**John Laurens (you)**

_How do you say good luck in taiwanese_

**Elizabeth Wu**

_You don’t say good luck_

_You don’t say it all_

_Because we don’t need it_

**John Laurens (you)**

_oh my god_

 

**G Wash**

_One week left, John._

_Are you ready, son?_

**John Laurens (you)**

_I am. Alex’s just helping me finalize my speech over here_

_He says it’s perfect the way it is though._

_IT IS_

_Sorry that was Alex!_

**G Wash**

_Tell your boyfriend to stop messing around._

**John Laurens (you)**

_SIR!!!!!!_

**A Hammy**

_Did George Washington, the first president of the United States, just call me your boyfriend?_

**John Laurens (you)**

_Stop looking at my phone_

_Also_

_We are currently at the same room, just three feet away from each other_

_Shouldn’t we just speak_

**A Hammy**

_idk_

_But do you want me to be your boyfriend John ;)_

**John Laurens (you)**

_idk_

Seen 3: 17 am

 

**Large Baguette**

_Alex what?_

**John Laurens (you)**

_He asked me to be his boyfriend !!_

**Large Baguette**

_AND YOU SEENZONED HIM ???_

_WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK LAURENS MUST I BASH YOUR HEAD ON THE WALL_

**John Laurens (you)**

_That’d be too fast tbh_

**Large Baguette**

_True but you seenzoned him !!_

_YOU COULDVE SAID LETS GO ON A DATE FIRST ??_

_YOU HAD THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO ASK HIM OUT ?????_

Sent 4: 34 am 

 

**MULLIGAN**

_Just talk to him Dear Lord, John_

_You’re making everything_

_COMPLICATED_

**LAURENS**

_I want to cry this is so complicated_

_I fucked up so badly_

**MULLIGAN**

_Do something about it then!_

**LAURENS**

_I KNOW I’LL ASK HIM OUT !!!!!_

**MULLIGAN**

_YOU JUST GOT THAT NOW JESUS CHRIST JOHN_

 

**John Laurens (you)**

_Alex?_

**A Hammy**

_Yes? It’s five in the morning John_

**John Laurens (you)**

_I know but this is important_

_Please open your door_

Seen 5: 21 am 

 

**_Twitter_ ** _: @uphillclimb: @Laurenss fuck off you could never let go of…_

**_Tumblr_ ** _: sewingass reblogged your post and added:_

_YOU FUCKED UP BIG TIME WHAT THE FUCK_

**_Facebook_ ** _: Gilbert Lafayette mentioned you_

**_Messenger_ ** _: Chris-Enjolras: John what the actual fuck?_

**_Text Message_ ** _: Martha: JOHN OPEN YOUR FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW WERE WOR…_

 

**_Bonus_ ** :

**HORSES**

_Man, John is such a nostalgic guy_

**DAT BOI**

_ikr_

_I mean I am too but I’m not THAT nostalgic that I have to apply it to my love life_

_Well I did before but the few other more relationships I had I kept my past life out of it_

_But anyways_

_We have to fix this_

_I swear I cannot deal with them just going to me and moping about it_

_Alex just left ten minutes ago crying a bit_

_Damn we should help them_

**HORSES**

_Exactly_

_John was crying I had to talk to him too_

_I swear this is the reason why I stay out of relationships_

_Have I ever told you I’m asexual btw?_

**DAT BOI**

_REALLY ??? BUT YOU’RE THE FRIEND WHO ALWAYS MAKE INDUENDOES??_

_Are you okay with me like talking about sex?_

**HORSES**

_Ofc_

_I make sex jokes_

_I don’t cringe at sex don’t worry i just d ont like doing it :))_

_But I like being in relationships_

**DAT BOI**

_I want a relationship too_

_But I don’t want it as messy as theirs_

_THEY FIGHT LIKE ALL THE TIME_

**HORSES**

_ITS GOTTEN OUT OF HAND WERE GOING TO A PARTY RIGHT WE NEED TO PREPARE THEM TO FALL IN LOVE ?????_

**DAT BOI**

_I’ll get John’s little group to help us k_

**HORSES**

_You mean Les Amis?_

_His group that named themselves after the Les Amis l’ABC from Les Misérables??_

**DAT BOI**

_Yes_

_Im sure they will help :))_

**HORSES**

_You sure?_

_Do you think they even know about Alex?_

**DAT BOI**

_We’ll see..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm back.
> 
> My excuse this time is that school is eating me alive and I'm running out of time, running out of time!
> 
> Well, we're close to the relationship guys! We're so close !! Stay with me and we'll see how they actually end up together !! I'm crying, John is so dead
> 
> If you have any headcanons or one-shots about this, you can post them just make sure to credit me wherever you'll post it (my sideblog: musiceclectic or simply my ao3 account: LokisLittleServant :3 )
> 
> thank you and remember to leave a kudos and/or comment below (only if you want to!!)
> 
> PS this story will now have parts in like two or three chapters, it'll be the end of part one :) i'll still post the other parts here c:


	10. Interlude One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im not deleting this. i am going on hiatus. read the entire thing to read the bonus :))

The first time John meets Henry, there's a knot in his stomach and he doesn't know why.

The second time he sees Henry, he rememebers a name: Francis Kinloch.

The third time they stay up too late to gaze at the stars, Henry asks him about his life as John Laurens. John tells him as much as he can and tells him that he reminds him of someone he used to know.

"I named my daughter after him-I think." John says.

"You must've been close with him," Henry comments.

Glancing at Henry, John nods. "We were."

The fourth time they study together, Henry finds his name.

"You were a soldier. You never told me that," Henry says. "You just say that you lived during the American revolution."

"I mean, I _did_ live during that time. I don't think it was much of importance." John says, answering another math problem.

"You were a camp de aide for Washington himself, John. That's pretty cool. I don't think you should even be studying right now if you were that smart."

John laughs and takes the book away from Henry's hands. "I wasn't _that_ smart. There were people smarter than me-like Hamilton."

"Alexander Hamilton?"

"Yep."

"... you're so gay for him, aren't you?"

"Correct again, Henry."

The fifth time they bump noses but don't kiss is when John realizes he's done chasing the past. Henry's better off with the girl who smiles and greets them both while they pass by her.

"I think you should talk to her." John blurts, backing away.

Henry looks surprised. "Who?"

"The girl who greets us everyday in the hallway? She's cute," John says. "And you always blush when she smiles."

"She... but how about you?"

John just smiles. "I  don't really want to date anyone, Henry. Besides, she's perfect for you," John means it because he's spoken with her and she seems to match every trait Henry wants.

"I... okay. You're a really good friend, Lawrence."

John smiles. "You too Jevis."

John lets go of him. He moves on. He doesn't look back.

Yet, why has Alexander Hamillo make him look back to the past so much, makes him cling to it and makes him cry? He doesn't know. He wants to know why.

He loves him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just gonna say this: jevis is in the les amis gc so like... john you two were like almost a thing :')
> 
> john is such a mess i s2g


	11. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A REAL UPDATED BITCHES

Amenities Charity Ball is a black tie party which goal is to spread awareness about abuse towards reincarnates. It was a charity event, aiming to give money to the orphaned reincarnates but John's friends and he aren't going there. They're going to a celebration where reincarnates can have fun without being discriminated or just be a normal person.

“Can we spike the punch?” Hercules asks.

“This isn't a high school party, Herc,” John says. “But sure. Bring the flask.”

Lafayette slips his shirt on and admires his image in the mirror and flexes his muscles with a grin. “Mom amis, if I don't come back tonight you know what activity I am doing,” he says, charming as ever. Out of nowhere, his smile slips his off his face.

“Does anyone have a hair tie?” He asks, eyeing Alex with a squint. “I can't go out with my hair like this!”

“This is my last one. I lost all the spares.” Alex says apologetically.

“I don't touch my sister's stuff because I don't want to see anything I shouldn't see but there's a ribbon at the table over there.” John says, pointing at the blue ribbon lying on table. He knows Edi might use be using it but knowing her, Edi probably has more rolls of the same ribbon somewhere.

Walking over it with a slight frown, Lafayette picks it up and ties his hair with it quickly and heads back to the mirror. With an approving nod, he says it'll have to do and leaves the house.

“I need a cigarette. See you guys outside,” Hercules says, already walking out.

“I didn't know Hercules smokes,” John says, looking at Alex but Alex's already moving away from John's proximity.

Sighing, John tries to walk over to him but Alex keeps walking away from him. Four two full minutes, they walk around the living room, John trying to catch Alex while Alex dodge him.

With a puff, Alex comes to a halt and faces John with a scowl on his face. “This is stupid.” He says.

“I know. But we should talk,” John replies.

Pushing John away, Alex walks out of the house and joins Lafayette and Hercules out in the veranda. It's frustrating for John but he pushes aside his irritation and joins them in silence, giving Alex no attention.

John looks at his watch. “The cab should be here in-”

“It's already there, mon ami,” Lafayette says, pointing down the hill. “Let's go.”

As they walk down, Hercules and Lafayette walk together, their voices low and soft while Alex and John keep their distance from each other, ignoring each other's presence. It's awkward, unbearable and a tad bit depressing; what happened last night?

Hercules opens the gate and they all walk out; John closes the gates with a bang. Just before John is going to enter the cab, he freezes and backs away from it.  
Hercules looks at him with concern and asks him if he’s okay but all John does is shrug and sticks his hand in his right pocket to take his wallet out.

“I’ll just walk to the house but here’s money to pay,” John says, handing Hercules a twenty dollar bill. “Keep the change or something-I don’t care.”

Lafayette’s features cross with confusion and with hesitance, he asks John if he’s okay with round eyes and sincerity. The sight of Lafayette so worried almost makes John change his mind about walking alone. Almost.

“I just want to walk, Laf. I just need to be alone,” John says softly. “But I’m okay, really.”

“Are you sure?” As Lafayette says this, his eyes flicker towards Alex whose face is unreadable and stoney. “John, please don’t-just be safe, okay? Do not think too deep. _Je m'inquiète pour toi_.”

Slowly, John nods and gives Hercules a small but strained smile. Hercules holds his shoulder and tells him to stay safe; it makes John smile. Alex doesn’t look at his eyes but John hears a soft, “Don’t do anything rash,” from him.

As the cab speeds away, John walks the same direction as it before it completely leaves his sight.

It takes him forty-five minutes to reach Chris’ house and by the time he’s there, it seems like it’s on full blast; streams of people enter the acreage of Chris’ house and the bass of the music shakes with growing strength as John makes his way in. He bumps into someone and apologises for nearly sending them into the pool.

“Hey, John!”  
Turning to his left, John smiles at Jevis whose face is flushed red presumably by the amount of alcohol he’d been drinking. A goofy grin graces his friend’s features as he leans near John’s definitely taller body.

“Are you really here or am I really shitfaced riggt now?” Jevis asks.

“I’m here, Jevis. Where’d you get the alcohol?” John asks mildly.

Jevis ponders on that for a moment (or so he seems to) before replying. “Someone spiked the punch, I think,” then Jevis proceeds to speak in an unintelligible language John suspects to be Scandinavian or Old English or one of the fictional languages of Tolkien, knowing Jevis. But it’s even scarier when he realises Jevis is drunk.  
John involuntarily shivers and forces a smile on his face. “I can’t understand you, Jev but I’ll see you later. Don’t do too much stupid shit,” he says, already weaving through the crowds. He thinks he hears Jevis scoff at him but he isn’t too sure about that.

The music continues to blast through speakers somewhere and the lights are starting to dim where John is walking to. A stray hand tugs at his jacket but he isn’t interested so he ploughs through, avoiding the winks of people around him and their grabby hands.

But it’s not like he knows where he’s going; he’s just walking. Maybe hoping to bump into Alex but he isn’t. He’s not that desperate. Or maybe he is and he doesn’t want to admit it because God, he’s a fuck up and he’ll fuck up the situation even more.

“John! Hey, buddy!”

Rolling his eyes, John crosses his arms at Chris. “Don’t ‘buddy’ me, Chris. You let Jevis drink, didn’t you?” He scowls. “Jevis is probably going to break society again if he’s drunk!”

Chris looks surprised at that so John thinks maybe Jevis did get drunk by the spiked punch, the fucking lightweight.

“I… I’m going to find him and try to make him sleep now,” Chris says nervously. Honestly, John doesn’t even blame him. The last time Jevis got drunk with only the Les Amis group in an isolated area, he broke them all and reduced several of them to tears- John included. And to think Jevis is one of his closest friend in his modern day friends.

“Good luck, Chris. I wish you all the luck in the world,” still looking extremely troubled, Chris sets his path to find Jevis before he could probably stand on a table and start theorising the decline of human kind and how no one actually exists.

Moving to a silent and undisturbed corner of the house, John pulls his phone out and sends a text to Lafayette, asking where they are. Several seconds pass and Lafayatte replies.

**_Laffing Out Loud_ **

_Somewhere_

_The place w itj trees_

_And dlowrds_

_Dog_

_*glowes_

_**flowers_

_***with_

**_Lauwrence_ **

_Okay see you there_

Shoving his phone back in his pocket, John sighs then starts pushing through the ever-growing crowd to get away and find his _friends._

 _I wonder how many are actually  and who were actually invited. Probably more first-lifes who don’t understand what this party is for,_ John grimaces at the thought. _Whatever_.

By the time he reaches the slightly secluded gardens and he’s managed to discreetly pass through couples making out and avoid the elk he’s always been so terrified of. He finds Lafayette with Mulligan who are both chatting amiably with each other while Alex seems to be enjoying his walk around the gardens and sometimes stopping to appreciate the flowers.

Hercules notices him first and calls him over. When John is in the proximity of Hercules’ hands, he’s given several flowers and he nearly gags when he reads the flowers meaning. A blush rises on John’s cheeks and he feels extremely hot and sputters. And like most best friends, Lafayette only laughs and punches Hercules lightly on the arm and tells him he’s a sly man. While Hercules frowns at John who’s trying not to look anywhere at Hercules because for God’s sake he probably doesn’t even understand but it’s still embarrassing . John catches Alex’s eye who’s staring at them in confusion.

“Do you know the meanings of the flowers, mon ami?” Lafayette asks. “Because if you do you are a nasty-” John makes a strangled sound at the back of his throat. “-man. If you gave this to a woman back then, you’d be kicked out of her house. And even so, I think if a girl in this time knew the meanings of flowers, you’d be beaten silly.”

“What did I say?” Hercules asks.

John looks at Hercules, still embarrassed and ted but he speaks to him in the most controlled voice he can manage.  
“You said that you want me in your bed, have a passionate night… err, sorry for the… bruises and you wish to introduce me to your family and do it again?” John coughs. “You’d definitely be beaten up if you gave that to anyone.”

A burst of laughter distracts John and he forgets his embarrassment when he turns and sees Alex speaking with an unfortunately familiar face. John’s blood turns cold when he realises Alex was the one who was laughing.

“Alex, you shouldn’t speak to him,” John says loudly, making his way to them.

Alex looks at him in annoyance and scowls. “And why the hell not?”

“Arthur is an asshole. Just stay away from him,” John says slowly, just a couple of feet from Alex and Arthur. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Why not let Alex make his own decisions, John? He is an adult,” Arthur says cooly, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Why don’t you leave? You shouldn’t be here,” John sneers, practically growling. He can’t believe he somehow got in and stayed without Chris seeing the douchebag.

“Okay, John why don’t you leave it. I can take care of myself, okay?” Alex says, his voice incredibly low. Perhaps, if John wasn’t so fucking angry, so livid, he would appreciate the guttural sound Alex made and how his eyes darkened. John is a bit of a masochist really.

“I don’t want to see you get hurt! Don’t you understand? I care about you!” John says. “Arthur, he-”

Alex cuts him off. “Do you really, huh? Do you really care about me, John? Or do you care about Alexander?” He spits, hands clenched while John looks away, feeling guilty for a moment before looking back.

“I care about you, Alexander Hamillo. And yeah, you probably deserve better than me but for God’s sake, Alex, Arthur is worse than me! I didn’t mean to say-”  
“Say Hamilton’s name instead of mine? John, you asshole. At least fucking Arthur doesn’t call me Hamilton. Why can’t you let go of the past, John? This is your fucking problem!” Alex runs his hand over his hair. “Why can’t you let go?”

For a moment, John wants to say he’ll let go, that he’s sorry and he wants Alex Hamillo. But he shakes his head and lowers his eyes to the ground.

“I’m sorry, Alex but I can’t let go of my past. I was a slave owner even if I was an abolitionist and I left my wife and my child because I was selfish and afraid. I learnt from my mistakes and God, I can’t just forget!” John looks up, feeling his eyes water. “And maybe you can’t understand because you’re not a reincarnate! I can’t let go. It’s a part of who I am. And maybe it’s the only reason why I like you, Alex. I’m confused too. And I don’t know what to do.

“I feel like I should let go of you. Because you do deserve better than me. Maybe I only do see you as Hamilton. Maybe people like Hamilton are my type. I don’t know, Alex!” There, he finally breaks and tears run down his face. Losing his mom and losing Alex in just the span of five days is too much for John. There are two hands on his shoulder but John doesn’t turn around, hug Lafayette or Hercules, run away and leave Alex. No, he ploughs on, even as the tears run down his cheeks, stinging because of the cold. Arthur’s gone and Alex is still there, stony face with cold eyes but John thanks the universe anyways.

“I…I don’t know, Alex. I’ve lived two lives but I still don’t know. B-but you’ve been closer to me than Alexander could ever be. I never knew Alexander’s favourite colour, what his favourite sport is let alone how many scars he earned during his childhood. And he didn’t know me, Alex. We knew each other but we still kept things to ourselves,” John sniffles. “And you’re not him. I know that but I’m confused. And if you hate me… that’s okay.”

Alex stares at him for a solid minute before his shoulders sag and the cold look he has disappears. He takes a few steps forward but his head is lowered as he speaks to John.

“I’m leaving. I’ll walk- I know the way to your house. Eidetic memory.” Then he leaves, hands in his pockets while John stares at his figure being swallowed by the crowd.

“You were brave, mon ami. Do you want to go home, too?” Lafayette’s voice is calm and his hand is on his arm, rubbing circles on it, calming him.

“No. You two can go if you want to though,” John looks down again. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”  
Before Lafayette or Hercules can reply, John hastily starts his way through the crowd, glaring at the floor. His hands are in the pockets of his jacket and God, John just wants to run away and die for the second time.

“Hey, John!”  
John looks up and Jevis is there, nursing a mug of something dark and rich- maybe a chocolate drink or coffee; John isn’t so sure.

“Hi, Jevis. Are you sober?” John takes a good look at his friend, ready to run if he’s drunk.

Jevis laughs and shrugs. “Close enough. I won’t make you cry, my dear, dear friend,” he says. “You already look like shit.”

The bluntness of Jevis’ words doesn’t surprise or offend John anymore; he’s used to it so he laughs lightheartedly. Jevis places a hand on John’s shoulder and his eyes soften.

“Why’d you cry, John?” Jevis voice is kind, understanding and for a moment, John wonders why he let Jevis go. Then he remembers: he faced the same moral dilemma with him.

“Do you remember my stories about Hamilton?” John starts, unsure if he should tell Jevis. But he trusts him too much and maybe, loves him too.

Amusement is clearly written on Jevis’ face but his eyes are melancholic. “Yeah,”

So John fills him in, unable to stop as the weight in his chest leaves. He feels empty by the time he finishes but it’s better than feeling like plummeting to the ground with no strength to go on. Jevis, on the other hand looks troubled.

“You called him, Hamilton?” Jevis asks.

“You don’t follow Alex on twitter, do you?”

“I do. I just haven’t checked. Is that why the others keep calling you a screw up?” John winces and Jevis seems to notice because he quickly adds, “They still love you, John. But I guess it was dickish of you to do.”

“I know. What should I do?”

Maybe John looks too desperate but he doesn’t care; he wants Alex’s forgiveness. If Alex doesn’t want to be his friend, lover or whatever anymore, that’s fine with John even if it hurts. He just wants his forgiveness at the very least.

I don’t know, John. But I have a feeling you really like this guy,” Jevis takes his hand and squezes it. “Just don’t let him go.” Like you did with me, are left unspoken and unsaid but John understands.

Leaning forward, John hugs Jevis and as he pulls back, he kisses his cheek. John doesn’t know if it’s an apology or a thank you or a good bye but Jevis only smiles.

“I’ll see you again someday, John. Invite me to your wedding if ever,” a burst of laughter escapes John and it’s that moment when Jevis truly smiles, eyes sparkling, free and uncaring for the world.

“I’ll see you, Jevis,” John touched Jevis’ arm before taking off to find Alexander Hamillo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo it’s been a year?? two years sincd i updated so like... im sorry but here’s another chapter which is stupid lmao bye guys pray that i’ll update soon again

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to make a one shot or something related to this fic, by all means, please do! you have my full permission- just don't copy-paste this and claim this as your own or something.


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